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some modern agriculture methods damage environment, people think providing more food for the growing world population is more important than protecting the environment. v.1

some modern agriculture methods damage environment, people think providing more food for the growing world population is more important than protecting the environment. v. 1
Some people believe that animals should be treated in the same way humans are and have similar rights, whereas others think that it is more important to use them as we desire for food and medical research. This essay will discuss both points of view. With regard to the exploitation of animals, people believe it is acceptable for several reasons. Firstly, they think that humans are the most important beings on the planet, and everything must be done to ensure human survival. If this means experimenting on animals so that we can fight and find cures for diseases, then this takes priority over animal suffering. Furthermore, it is believed by some that animals do not feel pain or loss as humans do, so if we have to kill animals for food or other uses, then this is morally acceptable. However, I do not believe these arguments stand up to scrutiny. The first reason is that it has been shown on numerous occasions by secret filming in laboratories via animal rights groups that animals feel as much pain as humans do, and they suffer when they are kept in cages for long periods. Not only this, a substantial amount of animal research is done for cosmetics, not to find cures for diseases, so this is unnecessary. Finally, it has also been proven that humans can get all the nutrients and vitamins that they need from green vegetables and fruit. Therefore, again, having to kill animals for food is not an adequate argument. To sum up, although some people argue killing animals for research and food is ethical, I would argue there is sufficient evidence to demonstrate that this is not the case, and, therefore, steps must be taken to improve the rights of animals.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
should
be treated
in the same way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
are and have similar rights, whereas others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them as we desire for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and medical research. This essay will discuss both points of view.

With regard to the exploitation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe it is acceptable for several reasons.
Firstly
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
are the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
beings on the planet, and everything
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be done
to ensure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
survival. If this means experimenting on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that we can fight and find cures for diseases, then this takes priority over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
suffering.
Furthermore
, it
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
do not feel pain or loss as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
do,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
if we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
kill
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
or other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
, then this is
morally
acceptable.

However
, I do not believe these arguments stand up to scrutiny. The
first
reason is that it has
been shown
on numerous occasions by secret filming in laboratories via
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
rights groups that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
feel as much pain as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
do, and they suffer when they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
in cages for long periods. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
this, a substantial amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
research
is done
for cosmetics, not to find cures for diseases,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
this is unnecessary.
Finally
, it has
also
been proven
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
all the nutrients and vitamins that they need from green vegetables and fruit.
Therefore
, again, having to kill
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is not an adequate argument.

To sum up, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue killing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for research and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is ethical, I would argue there is sufficient evidence to demonstrate that this is not the case, and,
therefore
, steps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be taken
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the rights of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
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IELTS essay some modern agriculture methods damage environment, people think providing more food for the growing world population is more important than protecting the environment. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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