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What are some of the Pros and Cons of extreme/adventure sports? Support your point of view with reasons and examples from your own experience. v.2

What are some of the Pros and Cons of extreme/adventure sports? Support your point of view with reasons and examples from your own experience. v. 2
Nowadays, adventure sports become a considerable debate among public all around the world. Although the extreme sports activities are regarded as thoroughly pastime and morale constructive by a considerable number of people, there are a number of people holds an opposing view. For the purpose of this essay, I would discuss both positive and negative viewpoints. To begin with, there are various reasons to support or disapproval adventure sports. On the one hand, in the logical opinion, many of these actions such as parachuting, paragliding and banjo jumping are hazardous. But for some people they are funny. For example, when I do Kite surfing in every weekend, I have a delighting and peaceful sense. On the other hand, in against to the fun, some of these exciting sports are very dangerous. For instance, there is a high possibility of heart attack for those who do Banjo jumping. also, a recent scientific research conducted with Tehran University researchers shows that there are many accidents for climbers like falling off or missing in snow mountains that happened every year in all around the world. In conclusion, there are several compelling arguments on both sides; my personal sentiment is that despite excitement some of the extreme sports are very hazardous.
Nowadays, adventure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
become a considerable debate among public all around the world. Although the extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
activities
are regarded
as
thoroughly
pastime and morale constructive by a considerable number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, there are a number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
holds an opposing view. For the purpose of this essay, I would discuss both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
viewpoints.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are various reasons to support or disapproval adventure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. On the one hand, in the logical opinion,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of these actions such as parachuting, paragliding and banjo jumping are hazardous.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
funny
.
For example
, when I do Kite surfing in every weekend, I have a delighting and peaceful sense.

On the other hand
, in against to the fun,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of these exciting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
.
For instance
, there is a high possibility of heart attack for those who do Banjo jumping.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
also
,
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "recent scientific research".
a recent scientific research
conducted with Tehran University researchers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
accidents for climbers like falling off or missing in snow mountains that happened every year in all around the world.

In conclusion
, there are several compelling arguments on both sides; my personal sentiment is that despite excitement
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
hazardous.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay What are some of the Pros and Cons of extreme/adventure sports? Support your point of view with reasons and examples from your own experience. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
207 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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