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Some young people are leaving countryside to live in cities or towns, it leaves only old people in countryside. What are the problems of this issue? What can be done to solve this problem? v.2

Some young people are leaving countryside to live in cities or towns, it leaves only old people in countryside. What are the problems of this issue? What can be done to solve this problem? v. 2
The trend that a growing number of young people opt to live in the cities rather than the countryside is being increasingly witnessed these days. In this essay, I shall discuss the main challenges associated with this tendency and suggest solutions to deal with this problem. The main challenge involved with this development is that it has detrimental impacts to the elders as lack of companion could lead to some diseases, such as depression and insomnia. Additionally, life quality of young people in the cities could be adversely affected because of the increasing population. For instance, a recent study conducted in Japan has revealed that most of young people in Tokyo struggle to survive because of the growing life expenses in recent years, as a result of the booming population in the city. As can be seen, these issues can have a profound impact on human society. The solutions to tackle this issue are not simple, but they do exist. In order to eradicate this problem, maintaining a balance development of urban and rural area is critical because more recreational activities and life style in the towns are the main causes of this tendency. In addition, the government is also need to upgrade the infrastructure and create more job opportunities in the countryside. Take myself for example, I will consider to move back to my hometown which is a small village if there are adequate jobs for me to support my life. Therefore, these measures can effectively eliminate this issue. To sum up, young people tend to live in the cities, which leaves the elders in the villages nowadays. This essay discussed some challenges that this development can bring to our society and also proposed some solutions to mitigate the negative effects of this issue.
The trend that a growing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
opt to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
rather
than the countryside is being
increasingly
witnessed these days. In this essay, I shall discuss the main challenges associated with this tendency and suggest solutions to deal with this problem.

The main challenge involved with this development is that it has detrimental impacts to the elders as lack of companion could lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
diseases, such as depression and insomnia.
Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
could be
adversely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the increasing population.
For instance
, a recent study conducted in Japan has revealed that most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in Tokyo struggle to survive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expenses in recent years,
as a result
of the booming population in the city. As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
, these issues can have a profound impact on human society.

The solutions to tackle this issue are not simple,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they do exist. In order to eradicate this problem, maintaining a balance development of urban and rural area is critical
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
more recreational activities and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
style in the towns are the main causes of this tendency.
In addition
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
is
also
Consider using a past participle here: "needed".
need
to upgrade the infrastructure and create more job opportunities in the countryside. Take myself
for example
, I will consider to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
back to my hometown which is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
village if there are adequate jobs for me to support my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Therefore
, these measures can
effectively
eliminate this issue.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
the elders in the villages nowadays. This essay discussed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
challenges that this development can bring to our society and
also
proposed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions to mitigate the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects of this issue.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Some young people are leaving countryside to live in cities or towns, it leaves only old people in countryside. What are the problems of this issue? What can be done to solve this problem? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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