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Wealthy countries should accept more refugees and provide them with basic assistance, such as food and housing. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.17

Wealthy countries should accept more refugees and provide them with basic assistance, such as food and housing. v. 17
Developed countries should encourage more refugees and should be provided basic sustenance. This essay agrees with the statement because through this it can develop harmony in the world by helping one another. Firstly, the wealthy countries has maximum resource, but minimum man power. By inviting and accepting people from other countries can help them in increasing their economy by utilizing the resources. Moreover, it also helps the government to maintain a bond with other countries and vice versa. For instance, Canada is accepting many immigrants to get permanent residency in the country. As it is one of the largest country area wise, but has less human resource. Thus, they are accepting more refugees. Secondly, the countries accepting more migrants should provide them basic amenities like food, housing. So that they can survive in the new environment. Initially, the government should subsidise in regular requirements like food, electricity, water, clothing, house, transportation mainly for the students. Because they don't earn much in their college days, so it will help them to survive. For example, many international students taking admission in Australia are provided with minimal wages in their prior year. So that, they can buy their regular stuffs with the money. In the conclusion, I would pen down, saying that, wealthy and the developed countries should invite more people from other countries and should provide them with the basic necessities. Through this they can bring peace and harmony in the world as well as can increase their human resources which help them to grow their economy.
Developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should encourage more refugees and should
be provided
basic sustenance. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with the statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
through this it can develop harmony in the world by helping one another.

Firstly
, the wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
has maximum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
resource
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
minimum
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
power. By inviting and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accepting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them in increasing their economy by utilizing the resources.
Moreover
, it
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to maintain a bond with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and vice versa.
For instance
, Canada is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accepting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
immigrants to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
permanent residency in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. As it is one of the largest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
area wise,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
has less human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
resource
.
Thus
, they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accepting
more refugees.

Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accepting
more migrants should provide them basic amenities like food, housing.
“So that” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
So that
they can survive in the new environment.
Initially
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
Possible spelling mistake. 'subsidise' is British English.
subsidise
in regular requirements like food, electricity, water, clothing,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
, transportation
mainly
for the students.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
they don't earn much in their college days,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to survive.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
international students taking admission in Australia
are provided
with minimal wages in their prior year.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
their regular stuffs with the money.

In the conclusion, I would pen down, saying that, wealthy and the developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should invite more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and should provide them with the
Consider using "necessities".
basic necessities
. Through this they can bring peace and harmony in the world
as well
as can increase their human resources which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to grow their economy.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Wealthy countries should accept more refugees and provide them with basic assistance, such as food and housing. v. 17

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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