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Some people think that it is beneficial for old people to learn something new while others believe that once a person is past 65 years of age it is too late to learn. What is your opinion? v.3

Some people think that it is beneficial for old people to learn something new while others believe that once a person is past 65 years of age it is too late to learn. What is your opinion? v. 3
It is considered that senior people can benefit by learning new things. On the other hand, some people think that it is too late for them to learn anything new. I agree with the foremost view. To start with, many people think that it is not possible for older people to learn anything new with their fading senses. They believe that it puts them under stress and harms their brain. On the contrary, I think that this is not true for most of the cases. After retirement, older people do not have much work to do. Learning something new will keep them busy and they will not feel the isolation, which is much more disastrous for mental health. In addition, once they have learned something, it will give them immense happiness and a feeling of satisfaction. To illustrate, if an old person learns to use a gadget, then he/she can have conversations about this with their grandchildren and improve their bonding. Furthermore, learning and practising physical activities such as yoga, gardening, badminton, etc. , will boost their physical health and keep them active for a longer run. As suggested by many doctors, older people must keep themselves engaged in the physical activities. For instance, exercising helps in keeping their heart healthy as it reduces cholesterol levels in the body. In addition, it is suggested for patients with partial memory loss, to stay as active as possible because it reduces the rate at which brain cells are getting damaged. Therefore, they should not be limited by their age. To conclude, in my opinion, it is never too late to learn anything new. Hence, older people should feel free to learn anything they want to. However, they must take their health into account before pursuing their dreams.
It
is considered
that senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can benefit by learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
things.
On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is too late for them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
anything
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the foremost view.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is not possible for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
anything
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
with their fading senses. They believe that it puts them under
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and harms their brain.
On the contrary
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this is not true for most of the cases. After retirement,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not have much work to do. Learning something
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
busy and
they will not feel the isolation, which is much more disastrous for mental health.
In addition
, once they have learned something, it will give them immense happiness and a feeling of satisfaction. To illustrate, if an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learns
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
a gadget, then he/she can have conversations about this with their grandchildren and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their bonding.

Furthermore
, learning and
Possible spelling mistake. 'practising' is British English.
practising
physical activities such as yoga, gardening, badminton, etc.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
will boost their physical health and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them active for a longer run. As suggested by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
doctors,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
themselves engaged in the physical activities.
For instance
, exercising
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in keeping their heart healthy as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
cholesterol levels in the body.
In addition
, it
is suggested
for patients with partial memory loss, to stay as active as possible
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the rate at which brain cells are getting damaged.
Therefore
, they should not
be limited
by their age.

To conclude
, in my opinion, it is never too late to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
anything
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should feel free to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
anything
they want to.
However
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
take their health into account
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
pursuing their dreams.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that it is beneficial for old people to learn something new while others believe that once a person is past 65 years of age it is too late to learn. What is your opinion? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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