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Some people think that mobile phones are harmful for children, while others disagree. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. v.4

Some people think that mobile phones are harmful for children, while others disagree. v. 4
Cell phones have become very affordable these days, on account of which, every family can purchase one. As a result, few individuals believe that they are injurious to kids, while others speak otherwise. This essay agrees that mobile phones affect kids badly. The below paragraphs in this essay will discuss both viewpoints in detail. First of all, mobile phones limit physical activity. The human brain is gradually developing during childhood days and hence, a child should be doing more extra-curricular activities rather than being indoors with a cellular device. If a kid is spending his growth years using digital phones, it might affect his brain development and also there is a bright possibility of physical ailments like, poor eyesight. Second, continued use of mobile phones by kids might affect their focus and concentration levels. Children who are occupied with mobile phones might not study proactively, as their energy is wasted in doing other activities in digital phones. For example, a recent study has proven that kids who spend more time playing video games on cell phones, are less likely to achieve high grades in school. On the other hand, a fraction of people feel that their kids should be motivated to use mobile devices, as they want them to become technologically literate. Massive improvements in cellular devices are to blame for this thought process. While, mobile phones are not only used for calling, but also for messaging and organising events parents always feel connected with their children. They have every minute detail about their child. Also, schools have started using mobile apps for reaching out a group of pupils. For example, many schools allow students to carry cell phones and send important updates to Whatsapp school groups. In conclusion, using cell phones at a very young age is harmful, as it affects the brain development of a child. On the contrary, few people think this as a technological upgrade for their children. I completely agree to its harmful effects unless used appropriately, under parental supervision.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
have become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
affordable these days, on account of which, every family can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
one.
As a result
, few individuals believe that they are injurious to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
, while others speak
otherwise
. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
that mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
affect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
badly
. The below paragraphs in this essay will discuss both viewpoints in detail.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
limit physical activity. The human brain is
gradually
developing during childhood days and
hence
, a child should be doing more extra-curricular activities
rather
than being indoors with a cellular device. If a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid
is spending his growth years using digital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
, it might
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
affect
his brain development and
also
there is a bright possibility of physical ailments like, poor eyesight. Second, continued
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
might
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
affect
their focus and concentration levels. Children who
are occupied
with mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
might not study
proactively
, as their energy
is wasted
in doing other activities in digital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
.
For example
, a recent study has proven that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
who spend more time playing video games on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
, are less likely to achieve high grades in school.

On the other hand
, a fraction of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
feel that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
should
be motivated
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
mobile devices, as they want them to become
technologically
literate. Massive improvements in cellular devices are to blame for this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
process. While, mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for calling,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for messaging and
Possible spelling mistake. 'organising' is British English.
organising
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
parents always feel connected with their children. They have every minute detail about their child.
Also
, schools have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
using mobile apps for reaching out a group of pupils.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
schools
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
students to carry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
updates to
Possible spelling mistake found.
Whatsapp
school groups.

In conclusion
, using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
young age is harmful, as it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
affects
the brain development of a child.
On the contrary
, few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this as a technological upgrade for their children. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to its harmful effects unless
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
appropriately
, under parental supervision.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that mobile phones are harmful for children, while others disagree. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
335 words
8.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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