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In many countries the amount of crime is increasing. What do you think are the main causes of crime? How can we deal with those causes? v.22

In many countries the amount of crime is increasing. What do you think are the main causes of crime? How can we deal with those causes? v. 22
Some major countries are growing faster and becoming more sophisticated. Even the crime is also having rampant everywhere. However, I personally think that there must be several reasons of this phenomenon as well as effective solution, which will be discussed in this essay before a rational conclusion. Many factors could be suspected as the main reason of this issue. First and foremost, the social discrepancy among society is possibly leading some people to do violation. It is highly likely that easy for them to be jealous with others, since, they have not been able to fulfil their life's needs with a same quality as others. Furthermore, the imbalance income could be happened between them. Then, some individuals start to take other belongings without any permission. Taking the underprivileged people who tried to steal for instance, to survive in their life. Turning to a possible solution, as we can see that all of these issues occurred, due to the loss of welfare prevalence from government to the citizen. Firstly, the policy maker should give more concern to the group of people who have a low income, by giving support in completing their necessities. Rendering the either monthly or annual subsidy for them such as staple foods, primary commodity and many others. Moreover, they have to improve the level of security and to insist the lawbreakers for having a suitable punishment. Ultimately, the society and the environment could be feeling more tranquility and safe. By way of conclusion, although, the factors of the increment of crime in many countries, including social discrepancy and imbalance income, yet the government could be able to overcome those problems by improving the welfare and prosperity, through subsidy and also guarantee the safety of the society. As I would restate that crime act should be insisted properly because of its serious effects.
Some
major countries are growing faster and becoming more sophisticated. Even the crime is
also
having rampant everywhere.
However
, I
personally
think
that there
must
be several reasons of this phenomenon
as well
as effective solution, which will
be discussed
in this essay
before
a rational conclusion.

Many
factors could
be suspected
as the main reason of this issue.
First
and foremost, the social discrepancy among society is
possibly
leading
some
people
to do violation. It is
highly
likely that easy for them to be jealous with others, since, they have not been able to fulfil their life's needs with a same quality as others.
Furthermore
, the imbalance income could
be happened
between them. Then,
some
individuals
start
to take
other
belongings without any permission. Taking the underprivileged
people
who tried to steal
for instance
, to survive in their life.

Turning to a possible solution, as we can
see
that all of these issues occurred, due to the loss of welfare prevalence from
government
to the citizen.
Firstly
, the
policy maker
should give more concern to the group of
people
who have a low income, by giving support in completing their necessities. Rendering the either monthly or annual subsidy for them such as staple foods, primary commodity and
many
others.
Moreover
, they
have to
improve
the level of security and to insist the lawbreakers for having a suitable punishment.
Ultimately
, the society and the environment could be feeling more tranquility and safe.

By way of conclusion, although, the factors of the increment of crime in
many
countries, including social discrepancy and imbalance income,
yet
the
government
could be able to overcome those problems by improving the welfare and prosperity, through subsidy and
also
guarantee the safety of the society.
As
I would restate that crime act should
be insisted
properly
because
of its serious effects.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries the amount of crime is increasing. What do you think are the main causes of crime? How can we deal with those causes? v. 22

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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