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Wealthy countries should accept more refugees and provide them with basic assistance such as food and housing. To what extend do you agree or disagree? v.10

Wealthy countries should accept more refugees and provide them with basic assistance such as food and housing. v. 10
Nowadays the number of people suffering from lack of essential life requirements is increasing, especially in developing countries. Many believe that refugee reception by developed countries is the promising thing to do. Although it seems that it is their countries' responsibility, yet I believe it is a humane glob-level problem, and wealthy countries should help in solving it too. In this essay this topic will be discussed. In poor countries and those developing ones many people suffer from being insecure in terms of essential life requirements as they are called refugees, all because of civil wars mainly. Food insecurity is one important reason why people living in fragile countries need to be assessed, where quality control systems do not operate properly in such countries, hence many dangerous food items reach the tables of the consumers. Another main measure is that many citizens lose their homes in addition to security, in which they are the only shelters they have and been working their entire lives to obtain. The governments of these countries seem to be unable to perform real solutions, where the majority of the suffering citizens aim at migration to a better place in the world. In wealthy countries, each citizen lives in a secure community. The government secures food, accommodation and security, with having a spare resources for future risks. Such countries have the ability to assist refugees from poor countries to have a better life. On the other hand, it can benefit from the educated ones as their specialities, while exploiting the less educated ones as labourers in different fields of work. In conclusion, the phenomena of the increasing numbers of refugees remains a heart-touching issue in the eyes of humankind all around the world, in which the whole global need to cooperate to achieve its disappearance all for the benefit of humans.
Nowadays the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
suffering from lack of essential life requirements is increasing,
especially
in developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugee
reception by developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
is the promising thing to do. Although it seems that it is their countries' responsibility,
yet
I believe it is a humane glob-level problem, and wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in solving it too. In this essay this topic will
be discussed
.

In poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and those developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
suffer from being insecure in terms of essential life requirements as they
are called
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugees
, all
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of civil wars
mainly
. Food insecurity is one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reason why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
living in fragile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
need to
be assessed
, where quality control systems do not operate
properly
in such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
,
hence
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
food items reach the tables of the consumers. Another main measure is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
citizens lose their homes
in addition
to security, in which they are the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
shelters they have and been working their entire
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
to obtain. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
seem to be unable to perform real solutions, where the majority of the suffering citizens aim at migration to a better place in the world.

In wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, each citizen
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in a secure community. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
secures food, accommodation and security, with having a spare
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "resource"?
resources
for future
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
. Such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have the ability to assist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugees
from poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to have a better life.
On the other hand
, it can benefit from the educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
as their specialities, while exploiting the less educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
as
Possible spelling mistake found.
labourers
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
fields of work.

In conclusion
, the phenomena of the increasing numbers of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugees
remains a heart-touching issue in the eyes of humankind all around the world, in which the whole global need to cooperate to achieve its disappearance all for the benefit of humans.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Wealthy countries should accept more refugees and provide them with basic assistance such as food and housing. v. 10

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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