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Wealth does not necessarily guaranty happiness. To what extent do you agree with this statement? v.8

Wealth does not necessarily guaranty happiness. v. 8
The world has many millionaires but, not everyone is living their life to the fullest. Some say, that being rich would not guarantee joy. I completely agree with this statement as I believe that many things can be bought with money, however not everything. Feelings cannot be bought with money. In other words, human life is complicated creation of god and a part of this creation are emotions, being joyful or sad is a feeling that we get based on a situation or a position someone is in. For example, feeling someone would get on instances such as loss of someone's parents or birth of a new born baby simply cannot be bought nor overturned with cash, no matter how rich that person might be. Some achievements have a sentimental value. Critics who think that everything has a value may argue that any materialistic items can be purchased money which will eventually bring joy. While, I agree partially with this statement I do not agree with the latter. For instance, If joy can be purchased then why would some of the richest in the world still climb Mount Everest, while risking their life? This is simply because, inner satisfaction cannot be measured and does not have a monetary face value. In conclusion, Situations and a position someone is in can bring joy or great sorrow, however the feelings which comes along with these emotions simply cannot be reversed or purchased. Also, some of the great achievements are not done with fortune in mind but with self satisfaction.
The world has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
millionaires
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, not everyone is living their life to the fullest.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
say, that being rich would not guarantee
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
joy
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement as I believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
with money,
however
not everything.

Feelings cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
with money.
In other words
, human life
is complicated
creation of god and a part of this creation are emotions, being joyful or sad is a feeling that we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
based on a situation or a position someone is in.
For example
, feeling someone would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
on instances such as loss of someone's parents or birth of a new born baby
simply
cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
nor overturned with cash, no matter how rich that person might be.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
achievements have a sentimental value. Critics who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that everything has a value may argue that any materialistic items can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
money which will
eventually
bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
joy
.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
partially
with this statement I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the latter.
For instance
, If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
joy
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
then why would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of the richest in the world
still
climb Mount Everest, while risking their
Did you mean "lives"?
life
? This is
simply
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, inner satisfaction cannot
be measured
and does not have a monetary face value.

In conclusion
, Situations and a position someone is in can bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
joy
or great sorrow,
however
the feelings which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
along with these emotions
simply
cannot
be reversed
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
.
Also
,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
great achievements are not done with fortune in mind
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
with
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self satisfaction
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Wealth does not necessarily guaranty happiness. v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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