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Wealth does not necessarily guaranty happiness. To what extent do you agree with this statement? Provide reasons for your answer. Include relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.11

Wealth does not necessarily guaranty happiness. Provide reasons for your answer. Include relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v. 11
Even though, currently, people are increasingly getting financially richer, it does not guarantee to bring more happiness or everlasting joy. In this essay, I will discuss the reasons for that and the measures that can be adopted to increase the cheerfulness in their lives. In fact, the primary reasons that keep people extremely happy may not be linked to their material possession or monetary benefits. The long lasting cheer is the product of leading a satisfied and content existence, which can be best obtained by providing service for others and not by focusing on oneself. For example, the country with the highest happiness index globally is Bhutan, where the majority of the people are Buddhists, who thrive by striving to improve the life of people around them. They were able to achieve it, in spite of the low per capita income levels of lesser than 20 USD per month. Therefore, there are many ways that can generate cheerfulness in people's life. Additionally, there are limitations on how much pleasure money can generate. Even though, greater wealth can possibly bring in more material possession, it cannot produce any long term joy or fulfilment. For instance, although the western countries are much more financially advanced, it is widely known that the suicide rates in the developed world are much higher as compared to the eastern counterparts. Furthermore, statistics show that people are happier when they are healthier, which cannot be obtained by any amount of money, at times. One clear example is that we have come across the death of a lot of business tycoons who were not able to escape the claws of death, even in their prime age. Hence, there are limitations on the influence of wealth in creating contentment. To conclude, huge amounts of money cannot make people happier, even though it can help in producing short term joy. In addition, as people get busier and run around generating wealth, they forget to live their life fully.
Even though
,
currently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
increasingly
getting
financially
richer, it does not guarantee to bring more happiness or everlasting joy. In this essay, I will discuss the reasons for that and the measures that can
be adopted
to increase the cheerfulness in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

In fact, the primary reasons that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
extremely
happy may not
be linked
to their material possession or monetary benefits. The
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
long lasting
cheer is the product of leading a satisfied and content existence, which can be best obtained by providing service for others and not by focusing on oneself.
For example
, the country with the highest happiness index globally is Bhutan, where the majority of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are Buddhists, who thrive by striving to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the life of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around them. They were able to achieve it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
the low per capita income levels of lesser than 20 USD per month.
Therefore
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways that can generate cheerfulness in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's life.

Additionally
, there are limitations on how much pleasure money can generate.
Even though
, greater wealth can
possibly
bring in more material possession, it cannot produce any long term joy or
Possible spelling mistake. 'fulfilment' is British English.
fulfilment
.
For instance
, although the western countries are much more
financially
advanced, it is
widely
known that the suicide rates in the developed world are much higher
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
compared to the eastern counterparts.
Furthermore
, statistics
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are happier when they are healthier, which cannot
be obtained
by any amount of money, at times.

One
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
example is that we have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
across the death of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
business tycoons who were not able to escape the claws of death, even in their prime age.
Hence
, there are limitations on the influence of wealth in creating contentment.

To conclude
, huge amounts of money cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
happier,
even though
it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in producing short term joy.
In addition
, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
busier and run around generating wealth, they forget to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
their life
fully
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Wealth does not necessarily guaranty happiness. Provide reasons for your answer. Include relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v. 11

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
328 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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