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Many people go to the university for academic study. More people should be encouraged to do vocational training because there is lack of qualified workers such as electricians and plumbers. To what extend do you agree or disagree v.1

Many people go to the university for academic study. More people should be encouraged to do vocational training because there is lack of qualified workers such as electricians and plumbers. v. 1
Nowadays, it is true that more and more people have chosen to pursue academic studies, instead of following vocational training courses. . Although some believe that studying in the university is the only way to be successful, I totally agree that the majority should still be encouraged to become a qualified electrician or plumber in the future. There are a number of reasons why studying academic courses is not as important as people thinking. First, nowadays, employers have been placing more emphasis on solid experience than the knowledge in university. Therefore, in order to land high-paying jobs, students should study practical courses and work as part-time labourers like electricians, besides studying subjects in their school. Second, many people after graduating from college cannot make a living, or even do not have a job. By encouraging those people to participate in vocational courses, there would be less unemployed workers, which also means fewer crime cases. There are also a variety of reasons why studying practical courses are of importance for the most people. In many countries, especially developed ones, there is a lack of workers like electricians who have the understandings and hands on experience in their field. For example, many large corporations would offer higher salaries for these qualified workers than ones who graduated from educational institutions, which would make students think twice after applying for higher education. In addition, most of the young people, especially in undeveloped nations, cannot afford to pursue their university. Working for a local company as a plumber, for instance, would be the better option and help them save a great deal of money. In conclusion, there are several benefits for those who want to become qualified manual labours in the future. Depending on personal circumstances and preferences, everyone should choose the suitable career path of their own.
Nowadays, it is true that more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have chosen to pursue academic studies,
instead
of following vocational training
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
in the university is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to be successful, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the majority should
still
be encouraged
to become a qualified electrician or plumber in the future.

There are a number of reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
is not as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
thinking.
First
, nowadays, employers have been placing more emphasis on solid experience than the knowledge in university.
Therefore
, in order to land high-paying jobs, students should study practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
and work as part-time
Possible spelling mistake found.
labourers
like electricians,
besides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
subjects in their school. Second,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
after graduating from college cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a living, or even do not have a job. By encouraging those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to participate in vocational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
, there would be less unemployed workers, which
also
means fewer crime cases.

There are
also
a variety of reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
are of importance for the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries,
especially
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
, there is a lack of workers like electricians who have the understandings and hands on experience in their field.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
large corporations would offer higher salaries for these qualified workers than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
who graduated from educational institutions, which would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
twice after applying for higher education.
In addition
, most of the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
in undeveloped nations, cannot afford to pursue their university. Working for a local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
as a plumber,
for instance
, would be the better option and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them save a great deal of money.

In conclusion
, there are several benefits for those who want to become qualified manual
Possible spelling mistake. 'labours' is British English.
labours
in the future. Depending on personal circumstances and preferences, everyone should choose the suitable career path of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people go to the university for academic study. More people should be encouraged to do vocational training because there is lack of qualified workers such as electricians and plumbers. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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