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Wealth does not necessarily guaranty happiness. To what extent do you agree with this statement? Provide reasons for your answer. Include relevant examples from your own knowlegde or experience. Write at least 250 words. v.10

Wealth does not necessarily guaranty happiness. Provide reasons for your answer. Include relevant examples from your own knowlegde or experience. v. 10
The sources of happiness are always debatable and money does not guarantee this. I completely agree with the notion and believe that balanced life and good health are equally important. To begin with, currency is often regarded as a power in the modern era. It assists us in accomplishing the basic necessities of our life like food, clothing and shelter. Further, it aids in buying automobiles, fancy items and a plethora of things. However, money cannot buy happiness or health. For instance, a patient fighting for his life after a minor accident could not be saved by it. Therefore, possessing fair wealth is essential, but not the only thing to have in life. On the other hand, a well settled life brings cheerfulness. An individual performing well in his job and having an excellent personal life is more jovial than a person earning a handsome salary, but not having time to spend with his family. A recent survey conducted in the United States revealed that people maintaining a balanced office and home life are 90 percent more cheerful than their counterparts. This promotes a sense of self-motivation and happiness in the life of a person. In addition, health is also an important constituent of life and people having better health are often found to be living happier, while affluent people reeling under constant stress could never be happy. In conclusion, earning a decent money is vital for survival of an individual and family to provide happiness. However, cash does not ensure this completely and other aspects of life like work-life balance and fitness of the body are indispensable.
The sources of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
are always debatable and money does not guarantee this. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the notion and believe that balanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
are
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, currency is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
regarded as a power in the modern era. It assists us in accomplishing the
Consider using "necessities".
basic necessities
of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
like food, clothing and shelter.
Further
, it aids in buying automobiles, fancy items and a plethora of things.
However
, money cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
For instance
, a patient fighting for his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
after a minor accident could not
be saved
by it.
Therefore
, possessing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
wealth is essential,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
thing to have in life.

On the other hand
, a well settled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
brings cheerfulness. An individual performing well in his job and having an excellent personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is more jovial than a person earning a handsome salary,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not having time to spend with his family. A recent survey conducted in the United States revealed that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
maintaining a balanced office and home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
are 90 percent more cheerful than their counterparts. This promotes a sense of self-motivation and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of a person.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is
also
an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
constituent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
having better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
found to be living happier, while affluent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
reeling under constant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
could never be happy.

In conclusion
, earning
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "decent money".
a decent money
is vital for survival of an individual and family to provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
.
However
, cash does not ensure this completely and other aspects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
like work-life balance and fitness of the body are indispensable.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Wealth does not necessarily guaranty happiness. Provide reasons for your answer. Include relevant examples from your own knowlegde or experience. v. 10

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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