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We often hear that new technology presents a threat to our traditions. In what ways however can new technologies help maintain our traditions? v.1

We often hear that new technology presents a threat to our traditions. In what ways however can new technologies help maintain our traditions? v. 1
In this contemporary era, technology is blooming in the air. It has become eminent across the globe. But, sometimes we hear from people that the latest technology threats our traditions. However, in this essay I will be discussing how newest technology has an impact on our traditions. Firstly, we must admit that technology has changed everyone’s life. Dramatic improvement in the companies and as well as at homes. Technologies like laptops, mobile phones, iPads and most importantly internet; all this has its own effects on individuals in a better way. This shows technology has always improve our traditional values to a great extent. For example, handwritten letters have now been changed to emails, phone calls or video calls. This according to me gives a better experience. Secondly, as it’s often we hear that it can thread our traditions, which in my opinion is not true. Because new technology has bettered from the old, old has its improvement from the old, in this way our tradition is been improved massively. This is a great honour. For instance, we can learn a lot about our past and tradition through the internet. We can find all information at one go from just one website. This makes other people more knowledgeable about our traditions. Which in return keeps our traditional alive. And also provides great education for our future generation. In conclusion, it is very clear that in no way the technology is dominating our tradition rather, it’s has added more value and respect in a new way.
In this contemporary era,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is blooming in the air. It has become eminent across the globe.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
we hear from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that the latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
threats our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
.
However
, in this essay I will be discussing how
A determiner is probably missing here: "the newest".
newest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has an impact on our traditions.

Firstly
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
admit that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
everyone’s life. Dramatic improvement in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and
as well
as at homes.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technologies
like laptops, mobile phones, iPads and most
importantly
internet; all this has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
effects on individuals in a better way. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has always
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "improved".
improve
our traditional values to a great extent.
For example
, handwritten letters have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
to emails, phone calls or video calls. This according to me gives a better experience.

Secondly
, as it’s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
we hear that it can thread our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
, which in my opinion is not true.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has bettered from the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
has its improvement from the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, in this way our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tradition
is been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
massively
. This is a great
Possible spelling mistake. 'honour' is British English.
honour
.
For instance
, we can learn a lot about our past and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tradition
through the internet. We can find all information at one go from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
one website. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
more knowledgeable about our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
.
“Which” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Which
in return
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
our traditional alive. And
also
provides great education for our future generation.

In conclusion
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that in no way the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is dominating our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tradition
rather
, it’s has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
more value and respect
Consider replacing "in a new way" with the adverb for "new"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a new way
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
We should learn languages because language is the only thing worth knowing even poorly.
Kató Lomb

IELTS essay We often hear that new technology presents a threat to our traditions. In what ways however can new technologies help maintain our traditions? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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