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We live in a world of technology these days, while the internet brings with it clear advantages, the problems in terms of control and security of information outweighs the advantages. To what extent do you agree? v.2

We live in a world of technology these days, while the internet brings with it clear advantages, the problems in terms of control and security of information outweighs the advantages. v. 2
Nowadays, it can be seen that we live amid the technology. Everyone can access online easily. Thereby, it is important to secure your personal information because the crime rate in online sites is sharply increasing. I do believe there are the privileges for control and security of information outweigh the drawbacks which I will explain in this essay. In fact, there are many sites need your registration by your personal information. It is important to check the site that it can be trusted before you register. Generally, the sites with rules are believable. Moreover, a username and a password should be a secret. To control this, it is safe for you to get rid of hacking. If they get your detail, they may be used in an illegal way. For example, to cheat another person by using your personal background. On the other hand, I think there are two main disadvantages in term of conditions. Firstly, they provide everything that can protect them from mistake. For instance, if you have a problem with the website, they may refer to the term and refuse to accept the problem. Another problem is the content of rule is a very long passage, therefore some people ignore to read. However, when they have a term of security, it is better than without any control. In conclusion, it is safer with rules and conditions in online internet sites. It allows you to play or search in control and security. However, people should read the condition before registering, even though it is usually much inside information.
Nowadays, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
amid the technology. Everyone can access online
easily
. Thereby, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to secure your personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the crime rate in online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
is
sharply
increasing. I do believe there are the privileges for control and security of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
outweigh the drawbacks which I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
in this essay.

In fact, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
need your registration by your personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
site
that it can
be trusted
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
you register.
Generally
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
are believable.
Moreover
, a username and a password should be a secret. To control this, it is safe for you to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of hacking. If they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
your detail, they may be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
Consider replacing "in an illegal way" with the adverb for "illegal"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an illegal way
.
For example
, to cheat another person by using your personal background.

On the other hand
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
there are two main disadvantages in term of conditions.
Firstly
, they provide everything that can protect them from mistake.
For instance
, if you have a problem with the website, they may refer to the term and refuse to accept the problem. Another problem is the content of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
long passage,
therefore
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
to read.
However
, when they have a term of security, it is better than without any control.

In conclusion
, it is safer with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and conditions in online internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
you to play or search in control and security.
However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should read the condition
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
registering,
even though
it is
usually
much inside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay We live in a world of technology these days, while the internet brings with it clear advantages, the problems in terms of control and security of information outweighs the advantages. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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