Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

We live in a world of technology these days. While the internet brings with it clear advantages, the problems in terms of control and security of information outweighs the advantages. To what extent do you agree? v.3

We live in a world of technology these days. While the internet brings with it clear advantages, the problems in terms of control and security of information outweighs the advantages. v. 3
Technology and internet have become intrinsic to our lives nowadays and even though it has been beneficial in many ways, however, the serious problems it poses with the handling and securing, makes the advantages seem less significant. In my opinion, I completely agree that the issues dealing with data and its control are serious issues. The number of internet users has increased exponentially over the years and so has the ease with which their information can be compromised. People can easily fall prey to online hacking, in other words, personal and business computers can be hacked into and private and confidential data can be stolen and used for ransom, which can result in unpleasant situations ranging from intimate pictures or details being posted online or critical business data leaked. Needless to say this can have a disastrous impact on the individuals or the companies involved, resulting in psychological and emotional harassment as well as loss of revenue and competitiveness. Another point to note is that the mushrooming of social media platforms has created another avenue for threat to data. In particular, teenagers and young adults are more likely to be targeted on these sites as it is very easy to hide one’s identity online, and they can be exposed to online predators and might end up giving out details which can be damaging and result in sexual harassment and abuse. Moreover, social media companies routinely sell private details and user data to third party providers for money, often without explicit consent from the users, which further opens up the door for personal information being compromised as this often results in an increase in phishing mails and the possibility of inadvertently giving control of your computer systems to hackers who can use it for ulterior motives. In conclusion, despite the benefits that technology brings to our lives, lack of adequate measures for the control and security of information and data makes it more detrimental to its users.
Technology and internet have become intrinsic to our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
nowadays and
even though
it has been beneficial in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways,
however
, the serious problems it poses with the handling and securing,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the advantages seem less significant. In my opinion, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the issues dealing with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
and its control are serious issues.

The number of internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
has increased
exponentially
over the years and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
has the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
with which their information can
be compromised
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
can
easily
fall prey to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
hacking,
in other words
, personal and business computers can
be hacked
into and private and confidential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
can
be stolen
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for ransom, which can result in unpleasant situations ranging from intimate pictures or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
being posted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
or critical business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
leaked. Needless to say this can have a disastrous impact on the individuals or the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
involved, resulting in psychological and emotional harassment
as well
as loss of revenue and competitiveness.

Another point to note is that the mushrooming of social media platforms has created another avenue for threat to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
.
In particular
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
and young adults are more likely to
be targeted
on these sites as it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hide
one’s identity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
, and they can
be exposed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
predators and might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up giving out
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
which can be damaging and result in sexual harassment and abuse.
Moreover
, social media
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
routinely
sell private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
user
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
to third party providers for money,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
without explicit consent from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
, which
further
opens up the door for personal information
being compromised
as this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
results in an increase in phishing mails and the possibility of
inadvertently
giving control of your computer systems to hackers who can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it for ulterior motives.

In conclusion
, despite the benefits that technology brings to our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, lack of adequate measures for the control and security of information and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it more detrimental to its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay We live in a world of technology these days. While the internet brings with it clear advantages, the problems in terms of control and security of information outweighs the advantages. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
326 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts