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The government’s investments in arts, music and theatre are a waste of money. Government should invest these funds in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement? v.1

The government’s investments in arts, music and theatre are a waste of money. Government should invest these funds in public services instead. v. 1
A growing number of people believe that humans should not exploit animals and stead, provide them equal rights. However, others opine that animals must be used for various purposes such as scientific experimentation and food. In my opinion, I really think people should minimize employing animals as their test subjects and should respect animal rights. Firstly, animals are a good creation of nature, and they should have the right to live freely as humans because the earth is not only for people but also for the diverse flora and fauna. Hence, animals must not be used for food and research purpose because it implies inhumanity. Furthermore, it has been proven that animals also feel pain and live in communities as humans and therefore killing them for experiments and meals can be very painful for the animal kingdom. It is often discussed that animals suffer great pain, and they deserve better rights. To maintain the balance of the ecosystem, every animal should be protected and respected. Primarily, humans need some animals to provide milk and assist in producing crops. In many countries, cows and buffaloes are used by farmers to cultivate their farming areas, additionally, in the meat industry, chicken and cows are used to fulfill the demand for food supplies. Moreover, different types of medicines are tested in mice and monkeys for the sake for testing new life saving drugs for humanity. In conclusion, although animal-based food and research are important, nowadays there are many alternatives. Therefore, people should more concern about protecting animal rights.
A growing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
should not exploit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and stead, provide them equal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rights
.
However
, others opine that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for various purposes such as scientific experimentation and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. In my opinion, I
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should minimize employing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
as their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
subjects and should respect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
rights.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
creation of nature, and they should have the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
freely
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the earth is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for the diverse flora and fauna.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and research purpose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it implies inhumanity.
Furthermore
, it has
been proven
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
also
feel pain and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in communities as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
and
therefore
killing them for experiments and meals can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
painful for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
kingdom.

It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
discussed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
suffer great pain, and they deserve better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rights
. To maintain the balance of the ecosystem, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
should
be protected
and respected.
Primarily
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
to provide milk and assist in producing crops. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries, cows and buffaloes are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by farmers to cultivate their farming areas,
additionally
, in the meat industry, chicken and cows are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to fulfill the demand for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
supplies.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of medicines are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tested
in mice and monkeys for the sake for testing new life saving drugs for humanity.

In conclusion
, although animal-based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and research are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
, nowadays there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
alternatives.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should more concern about protecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rights
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The government’s investments in arts, music and theatre are a waste of money. Government should invest these funds in public services instead. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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