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We cannot help everyone in the world that needs help, so we should only be concerned with our own communities and countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.3

We cannot help everyone in the world that needs help, so we should only be concerned with our own communities and countries. with this statement? v. 3
It was a lengthy dispute about whether we can not give assistance to those people all over the world and only help people in our own countries and communities. I'm afraid I have to disagree with this point because we could help more if we have free time and money. The argument of approving that people should help their national or local people is that help giver usually fell a concrete purpose. For example, we are more likely to notice the homeless who might need a warm coat to suffer a long winter. Helpgivers usually devote their time or support money to the homeless. In my community, there are lots of "used cloth" boxes which gather second-hand clothes, pillows, and so on. At the same time, some students in the rural area often lacking educational recourse indeed should be supported. As an educated undergraduate student, I think I have the responsibilities to help them, for instance, supporting their academic knowledge, introducing the real world outside, etc. Notwithstanding, there are many outside regions beyond our countries which might be not likely to eat sufficiently, drink purely. They, especially in the Third World, loss many staple sources which we used to waste. If we have enough time and energy, we could afford attent some international volunteer associations, which dedicate themselves to deliver love to other countries. For example, we even could construct a filter with stones and sands in distinguished size to filter river water using our knowledge. In conclusion, we could have a try to make more people influenced by our help. A river made of thousands of dripping water. More support, more love.
It was a lengthy dispute about whether we can not give assistance to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
all over the world and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
countries and communities. I'm afraid I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
disagree with this point
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
more if we have free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and money.

The argument of approving that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
their national or local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
giver
usually
fell a concrete purpose.
For example
, we are more likely to notice the homeless who might need a warm coat to suffer a long winter.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Helpgivers
usually
devote their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
or support money to the homeless. In my community, there are lots of
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
cloth
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
boxes which gather second-hand clothes, pillows, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. At the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
students in the rural area
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
lacking educational recourse
indeed
should
be supported
. As an educated undergraduate student, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
I have the responsibilities to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them,
for instance
, supporting their academic knowledge, introducing the real world outside, etc.

Notwithstanding, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
outside regions beyond our countries which might be not likely to eat
sufficiently
, drink
purely
. They,
especially
in the Third World, loss
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
staple sources which we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to waste. If we have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and energy, we could afford
Possible spelling mistake found.
attent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
international volunteer associations, which dedicate themselves to deliver
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to other countries.
For example
, we even could construct a filter with stones and sands in distinguished size to filter river water using our knowledge.

In conclusion
, we could have a try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
influenced by our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
. A river made of thousands of dripping water. More support, more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay We cannot help everyone in the world that needs help, so we should only be concerned with our own communities and countries. with this statement? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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