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The inequality between rich and poor nations is now wider than it has ever been before what do you think are the main causes of this difference and what do you think can be done to reduce the gap v.1

The inequality between rich and poor nations is now wider than it has ever been before what do you think are the main causes of this difference and what do you think can be done to reduce the gap v. 1
Nowadays, more and more people are unaware of their neighbourhoods. This essay discusses some of the main reasons behind this trend such as busy life schedule and privacy preferences; and then submits a few plausible solutions specifically organizing social activities and the role of social centres in bringing people together. To begin with, the social aspect of our lives is ignored because of multiple reasons. Firstly, these days people are absolutely busy with their personal lives. Therefore, they do not find spare time to get to know about their neighbours. Secondly, privacy preferences have also changed over the past few years. In other words, many people do not like to share their affairs with other people. As a result, there is less communication among people living in societies. For instance, one of my friends is working on the double shift to meet the financial needs of his family, and hence do not get any extra time to even meet with his close friends. Besides the above-mentioned issues, nevertheless, a few steps can change the situation. The first and foremost is the promotion of regular social activities. If people are given the opportunity to participate in social events, they would be able to spare some extra time to know about each other. Moreover, community centres can also play a vital role to develop positive social behaviour among people. Community centres provide a common place for residents for social and other leisure activities. For example, the community complex in our society arranges a social event weekly which allows people to know about each other. In conclusion, it is needless to say that people's preferences at present have resulted in poor socialization, however, continuous happening of social events and local community centres can help people change their behaviour. It is predicted that in the future because people will be busier with their personal lives, the role and responsibility of community centres will also be increased.
Nowadays, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are unaware of their
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhoods' is British English.
neighbourhoods
. This essay discusses
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
main reasons behind this trend such as busy life schedule and privacy preferences; and then submits a few plausible solutions
specifically
organizing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
activities and the role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
in bringing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
together.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
aspect of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of multiple reasons.
Firstly
, these days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
absolutely
busy with their personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Therefore
, they do not find spare time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know about their
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
.
Secondly
, privacy preferences have
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
over the past few years. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not like to share their affairs with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
As a result
, there is less communication among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living in societies.
For instance
, one of my friends is working on the double shift to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the financial needs of his family, and
hence
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
any extra time to even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
with his close friends.

Besides
the above-mentioned issues,
nevertheless
, a few steps can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the situation. The
first
and foremost is the promotion of regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
activities. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the opportunity to participate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
, they would be able to spare
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extra time to know about each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
can
also
play a vital role to develop
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Community
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
provide a common place for residents for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
leisure activities.
For example
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
complex in our society arranges a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
weekly which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to know about each other.

In conclusion
, it is needless to say that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's preferences at present have resulted in poor socialization,
however
, continuous happening of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
and local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. It
is predicted
that in the future
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be busier with their personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, the role and responsibility of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
will
also
be increased
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The inequality between rich and poor nations is now wider than it has ever been before what do you think are the main causes of this difference and what do you think can be done to reduce the gap v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
322 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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