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we are seeing a significant increase in online shopping today. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend? Give your opinion and relevant examples(revised version) v.1

we are seeing a significant increase in online shopping today. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend? Give your opinion and relevant examples(revised version) v. 1
There is an argument that exploring space is a waste of money and that there are more urgent needs to be addressed on earth, such as reducing poverty and preventing environmental destruction. However, I completely disagree with this opinion for two reasons. First of all, many of the technologies we take for granted today were originated thanks to space research. Take satellite technology, for example, which we depend on for broadcasting and weather forecasting. Without satellites, we would not be able to follow global events as they happen, nor give populations any warning of approaching storms. Space research has also led to the development of new lightweight materials that offer us heat protection and enable food preservation. Therefore, the challenge of sending human beings into space has often driven the development of new technologies that benefit our everyday lives. Second, we cannot foresee the distant future, so we ought to develop the capability to escape from the earth. Gradually, we are learning how humans can survive for long periods in space and even travel to other planets in the future. If space exploration is halted, this valuable knowledge will never be acquired. It is true that environmental destruction is also a serious issue, but it is also true that we remain dependent on our environment if we never accept the challenge of exploring other worlds. In conclusion, while we undoubtedly face serious problems on our own planet, it is imperative that we continue to explore space. This will promote further technological advances as well as provide a possible means of escape should earth become uninhabitable in future. Ideally, all nations should cooperate in the advancement of space research.
There is an argument that exploring
space
is a waste of money and that there are more urgent needs to
be addressed
on earth, such as reducing poverty and preventing environmental destruction.
However
, I completely disagree with this opinion for two reasons.

First of all
,
many
of the technologies we take for granted
today
were originated
thanks to
space
research. Take satellite technology,
for example
, which we depend on for broadcasting and weather forecasting. Without satellites, we would not be able to follow global
events
as they happen, nor give populations any warning of approaching storms.
Space
research has
also
led to the development of new lightweight materials that offer us heat protection and enable food preservation.
Therefore
, the challenge of sending human beings into
space
has
often
driven the development of new technologies that benefit our everyday
lives
.

Second, we cannot foresee the distant future,
so
we ought to develop the capability to escape from the earth.
Gradually
, we are learning how humans can survive for long periods in
space
and even travel to other planets in the future. If
space
exploration
is halted
, this valuable knowledge will never
be acquired
. It is true that environmental destruction is
also
a serious issue,
but
it is
also
true that we remain dependent on our environment if we never accept the challenge of exploring other worlds.

In conclusion
, while we
undoubtedly
face serious problems on our
own
planet, it is imperative that we continue to explore
space
. This will promote
further
technological advances
as well
as provide a possible means of escape should earth become uninhabitable
in future
.
Ideally
, all nations should cooperate in the advancement of
space
research.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay we are seeing a significant increase in online shopping today. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend? Give your opinion and relevant examples(revised version) v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
278 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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