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some people read classic literature. others prefer watching film version of it. which do you prefer and why? v.1

some people read classic literature. others prefer watching film version of it. which do you prefer and why? v. 1
It is important to consider how a state should allocate its resources towards the overall betterment of the society. Some people believe that an administration spending money on the arts is a waste and it should be spent somewhere beneficial for the society. While I disagree that the arts is a waste of money, I do feel that the welfare of the public should be the priority when allocating resources. To begin with, art is an essential part of culture which allows people not only to express their creativity but also their opinions. This expression of ideas fosters an intellectually healthy society which is crucial in the progress of a country. For example, arts institutions organizing different events provide a great opportunity to artists not only to share their ideas with the public but also to shed light on critical social issues. Therefore, a state ought to support the arts by putting in some resources to it. However, besides spending on the arts, government should not forget to fulfil the basic public needs. It is occasionally observed, especially in the developing countries that governments often divert their resource toward projects which have nothing to do with the welfare of the general population. For instance, in Pakistan, the provincial government of Sindh, spent extravagantly over the renovation of the provincial assembly building while several people in rural areas of the province are disenfranchised of basic health facilities. In conclusion, while others people opinion may vary, in my view, there is no waste of money in supporting the arts, but the welfare of the public should be the top priority of the state when it comes to allocation of resources.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to consider how a state should allocate its resources towards the
overall
betterment of the society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that an administration spending money on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
is a waste and it should
be spent
somewhere beneficial for the society. While I disagree that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
is a waste of money, I do feel that the welfare of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
should be the priority when allocating resources.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is an essential part of culture which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to express their creativity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
their opinions. This expression of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
fosters an
intellectually
healthy society which is crucial in the progress of a country.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
institutions organizing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
provide a great opportunity to artists not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to share their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to shed light on critical social issues.
Therefore
, a state ought to support the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
by putting in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
resources to it.

However
,
besides
spending on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should not forget to fulfil the basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
needs. It is
occasionally
observed,
especially
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
divert their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
resource
toward projects which have nothing to do with the welfare of the general population.
For instance
, in Pakistan, the provincial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sindh
, spent
extravagantly
over the renovation of the provincial assembly building while several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in rural areas of the province
are disenfranchised
of basic health facilities.

In conclusion
, while others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
opinion may vary, in my view, there is no waste of money in supporting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the welfare of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
should be the top priority of the state when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to allocation of resources.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay some people read classic literature. others prefer watching film version of it. which do you prefer and why? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
278 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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