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TPO11. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Some people say that the Internet provides people with a lot of valuable information. Others think access to somuch information creates problems. Which view do you agree with? v.1

TPO11. Some people say that the Internet provides people with a lot of valuable information. Others think access to somuch information creates problems. Which view do you agree with? v. 1
Happiness is crucial for having a meaningful life. As it is not a universal term, it can be fairly challenging for it to be defined, because people do not usually think about what brings them joy as they experience it, but rather after it is over. Although the path towards it could heavily depend on the individual, I think healthy relationships and progress towards a personal goal could really contribute to achieving this feeling. To begin with, happiness is a relative and temporal notion. People can have different backgrounds, goals and thinking. Therefore, one sole definition of this feeling might not be correct. When it comes to personal thoughts, it is still difficult to describe, though, because on the whole people do not consider what makes them happy and what that feels like until this emotion is gone. Only when they deliberately think about it, will happiness possibly become more than just an association with different events in their mind, which could be really hard to put into words. Two major steps towards it could be being part of healthy relationships and making progress on an individual goal. Firstly, having people to turn to and rely on can alleviate stress and sadness. But most importantly, even if suddenly peoples' whole lives turn around, the relationships they have built can last forever and help them find happiness again. Secondly, working on a goal or a dream and observing progress one makes could give people the confidence to think that their efforts and struggles actually have meaning and as a result- make them fulfilled. To summarise, happiness may be difficult to define because this word holds a different meaning for many people and the feeling is usually not considered until it is already gone. People need to find their own way to achieve it, but trying to forge quality social connections and seeking progress regarding their personal goals could really contribute to this task.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Happiness
is crucial for having a meaningful life. As it is not a universal term, it can be
fairly
challenging for it to
be defined
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not
usually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
about what brings them joy as they experience it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
rather
after it is over. Although the path towards it could
heavily
depend on the individual, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
healthy relationships and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
progress
towards a personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goal
could
really
contribute to achieving this feeling.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is a relative and temporal notion.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
backgrounds,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goals
and thinking.
Therefore
, one sole definition of this feeling might not be correct. When it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to personal thoughts, it is
still
difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
, though,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
on the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not consider what
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them happy and what that feels like until this emotion
is gone
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
when they
deliberately
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
about it, will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
possibly
become more than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
an association with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
in their mind, which could be
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to put into words.

Two major steps towards it could be being part of healthy relationships and making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
progress
on an individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goal
.
Firstly
, having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to turn to and rely on can alleviate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and sadness.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
most
importantly
, even if
suddenly
peoples' whole
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
turn around, the relationships they have built can last forever and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
again.
Secondly
, working on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goal
or a dream and observing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
progress
one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
could give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
the confidence to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that their efforts and struggles actually have meaning and
as a result
-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them fulfilled.

To
Possible spelling mistake. 'summarise' is British English.
summarise
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
may be difficult to define
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this word holds a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
meaning for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and the feeling is
usually
not considered until it is already gone.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
need to find their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
way to achieve it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
trying to forge quality social connections and seeking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
progress
regarding their personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goals
could
really
contribute to this task.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO11. Some people say that the Internet provides people with a lot of valuable information. Others think access to somuch information creates problems. Which view do you agree with? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
322 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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