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We all work, or will work, in jobs with many different kinds of people. In your opinion, what are some important characteristics of a co-worker (someone you work closely with)? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.1

We all work, or will work, in jobs with many different kinds of people. In your opinion, what are some important characteristics of a co-worker (someone you work closely with)? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1
It is certainly true that young ones spend their leisure day on various shops for shopping as shopping has become a favourite pastime among young people. Although shopping plays a significant role in their lives, other activities should be introduced. This essay will highlight how the younger must be motivated to do other tasks instead of shopping. There are copious numbers of reasons why young generations are more driven towards shopping in their free moment. Firstly, the most conspicuous one is that as gigantic shopping complex offers myriad of products ranging from clothes to shoes, the young are tempted to purchase these trendy clothes and expensive shoes in their spare occasion. For instance, a research conducted by the University of Western Sydney revealed that around 65% of the younger spend more than two hours for shopping in the mall. Secondly, younger are easily influenced by their peer groups who usually invest in the window shopping, encourage them to do shopping without any reasons. In other words, during holidays, younger make shopping online as they become addicted to it. To cite an example, the majority of sales are coming from younger people during their free moment. Nevertheless, there are certain measures to motivate them to indulge in other activities. It is generally believed that making them involved in volunteer services and teaching them to do their bit for the society they live in, would definitely help them to grow as a responsible citizen. As, sport and art are the prominent way in order to ward off boredom, indulge in creative activities to abide their leisure. To exemplify, some of the students start art classes and participate in sports during their spare time that definitely assist to demonstrate their acumen in spare second. To conclude, it can be said that although shopping has become a favourite pastime among young people, there is a dire need to encourage younger to participate in other activities like sports and arts.
It is
certainly
true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
ones spend their leisure day on various shops for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
has become a
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
pastime among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
plays a significant role in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
should
be introduced
. This essay will highlight how the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be motivated
to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
tasks
instead
of shopping.

There are copious numbers of reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generations are more driven towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
in their free moment.
Firstly
, the most conspicuous one is that as gigantic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
complex offers myriad of products ranging from clothes to shoes, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
are tempted
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
these trendy clothes and expensive shoes in their spare occasion.
For instance
,
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
conducted by the University of Western Sydney revealed that around 65% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
spend more than two hours for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
in the mall.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
are
easily
influenced by their peer groups who
usually
invest in the window
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
, encourage them to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
without any reasons. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, during holidays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
online as they become addicted to it. To cite an example, the majority of sales are coming from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
during their free moment.

Nevertheless
, there are certain measures to motivate them to indulge in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. It is
generally
believed that making them involved in volunteer services and teaching them to do their bit for the society they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in, would definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to grow as a responsible citizen. As, sport and art are the prominent way in order to ward off boredom, indulge in creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
to abide their leisure. To exemplify,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
art classes and participate in sports during their spare time that definitely assist to demonstrate their acumen in spare second.

To conclude
, it can
be said
that although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
has become a
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
pastime among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, there is a dire need to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
to participate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
like sports and arts.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay We all work, or will work, in jobs with many different kinds of people. In your opinion, what are some important characteristics of a co-worker (someone you work closely with)? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
325 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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