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Water pollution has been an increasing problem over the last few decades. What causes water pollution? How can we prevent this problem? v.1

Water pollution has been an increasing problem over the last few decades. What causes water pollution? How can we prevent this problem? v. 1
It is a worrying trend that water decomposition has become a gigantic obstacle in the contemporary era. However, this essay will highlight what are the reasons behind this occurring and what are a few potential measures to resolve it. To start with, there are multifarious aspects why water deterioration has increased. The primary factor is that industrial waste. To explain it, most of the firms throw rubbish in the rivers and oceans which leads to water adulterants that puts detrimental effects on marine life and people's health. For example, a cholera disease had taken birth because of impurity water all over the world. The another massive cause is that drainage system and waste water connect with lakes and sea so when waste and impure water blend in purify water then clean water also has changed in polluting water. These circumstances are causing a considerable amount of polluting water. Turning towards solutions, some remedies can be adopted to improve this issue. First of all, an administrator should be imposed laws to control the dirtying water. For instance, government can levy higher taxes on companies who are polluting water. To add more, higher authority should organise pollution related programs and seminars to aware the masses fertaining to major environmental issues and also teach how can they mitigate these concerns and what are the reasons of occurring these problems. In conclusion, this essay highlighted that factors behind this happening are industrial litter and drain water. This essay also presented that measures to this concern are two fold: implementing laws pertaining to pollution and encouraging people relevant to environmental obstacles.
It is a worrying trend that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
decomposition has become a gigantic obstacle in the contemporary era.
However
, this essay will highlight what are the reasons behind this occurring and what are a few potential measures to resolve it.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, there are multifarious aspects why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
deterioration has increased. The primary factor is that industrial waste. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
it, most of the firms throw rubbish in the rivers and oceans which leads to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
adulterants that puts detrimental effects on marine life and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's health.
For example
, a cholera disease had taken birth
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of impurity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
all over the world. The another massive cause is that drainage system and waste
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
connect with lakes and sea
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
when waste and impure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
blend in purify
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
then clean
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
also
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
in polluting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
. These circumstances are causing a considerable amount of polluting water.

Turning towards solutions,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
remedies can
be adopted
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
this issue.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, an administrator should
be imposed
laws to control the dirtying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
.
For instance
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can levy higher taxes on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
who are polluting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
more, higher authority should
Possible spelling mistake. 'organise' is British English.
organise
pollution related programs and seminars to aware the masses
Possible spelling mistake found.
fertaining
to major environmental issues and
also
teach how can they mitigate these concerns and what are the reasons of occurring these problems.

In conclusion
, this essay highlighted that factors behind this happening are industrial litter and drain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
. This essay
also
presented that measures to this concern are
The adjective or adverb 'twofold' needs to be written as one word.
two fold
: implementing laws pertaining to pollution and encouraging
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
relevant to environmental obstacles.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay Water pollution has been an increasing problem over the last few decades. What causes water pollution? How can we prevent this problem? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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