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Nowadays the way many people intact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology has affected the type of relationships people make? Has this become a positive or negative development? v.2

Nowadays the way many people intact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology has affected the type of relationships people make? Has this become a positive or negative development? v. 2
In the recent times, the technology has certainly revolutionized many sectors. However, this will lead to the diversity in the way of communication between the two parties. The essay will discuss about the different path used to manage the relation and as per my opinion, this would be beneficial for the development. To begin with, the predominant measure used to make relationship with the people is the availability of a video call. Using this form of communication person fill connected with their loved ones as they can able to see them. Moreover, other forms of communication such as a test message, audio call and emails are used. Although in the past, people were using the letter for communication and waiting for a couple of days to get the replay, here, this all done in a fraction of seconds. For example, research conducted shows that technology helps in the business communication as well, as there is no need to travel long distance. On the other hand, this change will be considered as a positive as it delivers many merits to an individual. The first merit is that people get the support of their family members and friends. This will help them to improve their capabilities. Furthermore, another merit is this will help an individual to save their time and money. As people can communicate using an internet so travelling to long distance is avoided by many people. For instance, the people who need to communicate for their business becomes convenient and easy. In conclusion, there are many positive points of this development compared to the negative one. The technology provides a different way for the communication using that relation becomes stronger than the past.
In the recent times, the technology has
certainly
revolutionized
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
sectors.
However
, this will lead to the diversity in the way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
between the two parties. The essay will
Did you mean simply "discuss the"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
path
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to manage the relation and as per my opinion, this would be beneficial for the development.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the predominant measure
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
relationship with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
the availability of a video call. Using this form of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
person fill connected with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones as they
Please check whether one of these words is redundant.
can able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
them.
Moreover
, other forms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
such as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
message, audio call and emails are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
. Although in the past,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were using the letter for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
and waiting for a couple of days to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the replay, here, this all done in a fraction of seconds.
For example
, research conducted
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in the business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
as well
, as there is no need to travel long distance.

On the other hand
, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
will
be considered
as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
as it delivers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
merits to an individual. The
first
merit is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the support of their family members and friends. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their capabilities.
Furthermore
, another merit is this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
an individual to save their time and money.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can communicate using an internet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
travelling to long distance
is avoided
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For instance
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who need to communicate for their business becomes convenient and easy.

In conclusion
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
points of this development compared to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
one. The technology provides a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
way for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
using that relation becomes stronger than the past.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays the way many people intact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology has affected the type of relationships people make? Has this become a positive or negative development? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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