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Walking is known to be beneficial for health yet fewer and fewer people are walking these days What are the reasons for this What can be done to address this problem v.1

Walking is known to be beneficial for health yet fewer and fewer people are walking these days What are the reasons for this What can be done to address this problem v. 1
Despite the fact that some people believe that accessing to the internet should be provided for free by the government, I believe the other group who believes that this trend is not the right one is more reasonable. In this essay, I am going to shed some light on both views. Undoubtedly, the internet is one of the most essential parts of these days life. Indeed, we get used to surfing the net and searching anything that we do not have enough information about in Google, for instance. So, our society nowadays is attached to the internet and social media, which leads to spending so much money on buying the internet. Along with this, some people want to access to the internet without any restriction and hopefully for free which has got both benefit and disadvantage. For example, one of the most important advantages would be saving a massive amount of money, which we used to spend over net surfing. On the other hand, the most influential perilous impact would be on juvenile which we would not be able to control their usage. On the flip side, by limiting the internet connection we get to control our time spending on the internet. Moreover, when you have to pay for a service such as electricity or the internet, you will be aware of the merit of that service. In my own opinion, restricting the internet connection by charging the community has got a huge impact on everyone. Furthermore, not only will people get to do their jobs, but also they will have plenty of free time to spend with their folks. In conclusion, providing the internet for free may have some benefits, however, we would not be able to control the harmful impact that may be caused. Without a doubt, there will not be any internet addiction in the future be forcing people to pay for their own use of the internet.
Despite the fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that accessing to the internet should
be provided
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, I believe the other group who believes that this trend is not the right one is more reasonable. In this essay, I am going to shed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
light on both views.

Undoubtedly
, the internet is one of the most essential parts of these
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "days'" or "day's"?
days
life.
Indeed
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to surfing the net and searching anything that we do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
information about in Google,
for instance
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, our society nowadays
is attached
to the internet and social media, which leads to spending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much money on buying the internet. Along with this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to access to the internet without any restriction and
hopefully
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
which has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
both benefit and disadvantage.
For example
, one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
advantages would be saving a massive amount of money, which we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to spend over net surfing.
On the other hand
, the most influential perilous impact would be on juvenile which we would not be able to control their usage.

On the flip side, by limiting the internet connection we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to control our time spending on the internet.
Moreover
, when you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay for a service such as electricity or the internet, you will be aware of the merit of that service. In my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinion, restricting the internet connection by charging the community has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
a huge impact on everyone.
Furthermore
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to do their jobs,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they will have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
time to spend with their folks.

In conclusion
, providing the internet for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
may have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits,
however
, we would not be able to control the harmful impact that may
be caused
. Without a doubt, there will not be any internet addiction in the future be forcing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to pay for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the internet.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Walking is known to be beneficial for health yet fewer and fewer people are walking these days What are the reasons for this What can be done to address this problem v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
321 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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