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Walking is known to be beneficial for health and yet fewer people are walking there days. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to tackle this problem? v.2

Walking is known to be beneficial for health and yet fewer people are walking there days. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to tackle this problem? v. 2
Many physical trainers advice to go for a walk for its advantages to health, but a small portion of people follow their advice. This essay will consider the causes of this reluctance. Let us start with reasons why people are unwilling to make a trip on foot as a form of exercise. The first reason is that they commonly feel weary after work. People usually promise to start walking in the neighborhood, but, as soon as they arrive their apartments, they cannot make themselves to keep their pledge. Another cause is that they have a great deal of household duties. Obligations around the house often leave people with little time for a walk, so they postpone it for the upcoming days and, eventually, abandon it. Furthermore, they have little self-discipline. Many people want to go for a walk, but when it comes to the action, they become reluctant and try to avoid it. However, some fitness trainers suggest the following steps to deal with this problem. Firstly, people should walk a large distance before taking a means of transport. For example, they should park their cars two districts before their office, so that, when they finish the working day, they have to go to the parking lot. Secondly, they should delegate their duties to the other members of family. For instance, mothers can arrange schedules of chores and, then, distribute each to their children, so that they will have some time to go for a walk. Moreover, they should reward themselves for every walk. People should let themselves to do something pleasant, when they have overcome their laziness, which normally does not allow them to do a walk. In conclusion, although there are many obstacles for mankind on the way to go for a walk, it is possible to combat these hindrances by taking the above mentioned steps.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
physical
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "trainers'" or "trainer's"?
trainers
advice to go for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
walk
for its advantages to health,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
portion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
follow their advice. This essay will consider the causes of this reluctance.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
us
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are unwilling to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a trip on foot as a form of exercise. The
first
reason is that they
commonly
feel weary after work.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
usually
promise to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
walking in the neighborhood,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as they arrive their apartments, they cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
themselves to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their pledge. Another cause is that they have a great deal of household duties. Obligations around the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
time for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
walk
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they postpone it for the upcoming days and,
eventually
, abandon it.
Furthermore
, they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
self-discipline.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to go for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
walk
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to the action, they become reluctant and try to avoid it.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fitness trainers suggest the following steps to deal with this problem.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
walk
a large distance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
taking a means of transport.
For example
, they should park their cars two districts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
their office,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that, when they finish the working day, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
go to the parking lot.
Secondly
, they should delegate their duties to the other members of family.
For instance
, mothers can arrange schedules of chores and, then, distribute each to their children,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they will have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time to go for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
walk
.
Moreover
, they should reward themselves for every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
walk
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
themselves to do something pleasant, when they have overcome their laziness, which
normally
does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to do a walk.

In conclusion
, although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
obstacles for mankind on the way to go for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
walk
, it is possible to combat these hindrances by taking the above mentioned steps.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Walking is known to be beneficial for health and yet fewer people are walking there days. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to tackle this problem? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
308 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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