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Some people believe that society is becoming less friendly these days. W¬¬hy do you think this might be? Suggest some ways in which this can be reversed. v.3

Some people believe that society is becoming less friendly these days. W¬¬hy do you think this might be? Suggest some ways in which this can be reversed. v. 3
Many people in modern society are holding a pessimistic view that we do not express our polite attitudes toward others. This is due to their frequent exposure to the media, but many solutions could be applied by both individuals and the government to address the issue. It is undeniable that the media is the main culprit of the contemporary negative belief toward the society. Thanks to the development of the internet as well as the increasing popularity of personal technological devices, people nowadays can easily access the news from various sources. In addition, since people in general are more curious about negative stories happening around, especially about traffic accidents, crime, corruption investigations, terrorist attacks or celebrities’ scandals, news outlets also are giving more of these to maximize profits via larger numbers of views, creating positive feedback and ultimately making ordinary citizens think positively less. As a result, people become more doubtful about the society and feel like it is less friendly than in the past. However, feasible measures could be taken to mitigate the problem. On individual level, people should turn their attention toward more positive news as well as general successful development. They should also spend less time on catching latest news in the virtual world and more time on talking to real people about real life, which are proven by psychologists to help avoid ultimate pessimistic consequences like depression, anxiety or trauma. On societal scale, the government should limit the amount of negative news publicized on the internet to prevent its wide mental effects on its readers. In conclusion, though the media is to blame for the popular belief of less-friendly society, both the governments and its citizens could take actions to reverse as well as avoid the psychological consequences of invisibly toxic information.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
are holding a pessimistic view that we do not express our polite attitudes toward others. This is due to their frequent exposure to the media,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
solutions could
be applied
by both individuals and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to address the issue.

It is undeniable that the media is the main culprit of the contemporary
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
belief toward the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. Thanks to the development of the internet
as well
as the increasing popularity of personal technological devices,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays can
easily
access the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
from various sources.
In addition
, since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in general
are more curious about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
stories happening around,
especially
about traffic accidents, crime, corruption investigations, terrorist attacks or celebrities’ scandals,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
outlets
also
are giving more of these to maximize profits via larger numbers of views, creating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
feedback and
ultimately
making ordinary citizens
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
positively
less.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become more doubtful about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and feel like it is less friendly than in the past.

However
, feasible measures could
be taken
to mitigate the problem. On individual level,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should turn their attention toward more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
as well
as general successful development. They should
also
spend less time on catching latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
in the virtual world and more time on talking to real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about real life, which
are proven
by psychologists to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
avoid ultimate pessimistic
The usual preposition to use after "consequences" is not "like". Did you mean "consequences of", "consequences for", or "consequences on"?
consequences like
depression, anxiety or trauma. On societal scale, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should limit the amount of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
publicized on the internet to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
its wide mental effects on its readers.

In conclusion
, though the media is to blame for the popular belief of less-friendly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, both the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
and its citizens could take actions to reverse
as well
as avoid the psychological consequences of
invisibly
toxic information.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that society is becoming less friendly these days. W¬¬hy do you think this might be? Suggest some ways in which this can be reversed. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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