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You would like to work overseas, write a letter to an employment agency. Write: -- what job you would like to apply- what companies are you looking for- why do you want to work overseas v.1

You would like to work overseas, write a letter to an employment agency. Write: -- what job you would like to apply- what companies are you looking for- why do you want to work overseas v. 1
Child grooming is a crucial aspect of parenting. Some people believe that physical punishment is the optimal solution to behave your children. I completely disagree with this viewpoint. This essay will discuss two reasons why parents are convinced of spanking and then argue why it is not the right option. On the one hand, parents tend to believe that children behave well when they are under the impression that they will be punished for bad behaviour. One reason behind their belief is that children actually demonstrate good behaviour in front of their parents. Another reason is that these parents were themselves controlled by their parents in the same way so they are affirmed that physical punishment is tested and tried way to control their children. To exemplify this, recent scientific research by the UK government demonstrated that 90% of parents believe in spanking because they were punished in their childhood when they made mischief. These beliefs have made parents think that beating their children is necessary for their well being. On the other hand, despite the beliefs of parents, the idea of inflicting physical pain on children, to control them, is completely delusional. Physical punishment has resulted in many problems for the children, lack of communication, for example, is one of them. Children afraid of their parents are more reserved and do not share their simple issues with them, which leads the adolescents into more complicated problems. Therefore, the idea that spanking children is optimal in itself is detrimental to the parent-child relationship. In conclusion, while many people are convinced that corporal punishments are crucial, I do not agree with them. They might have inherited this attitude from their ancestors, it creates much bigger problems for both the parents and children.
Child grooming is a crucial aspect of parenting.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
is the optimal solution to behave your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. I completely disagree with this viewpoint. This essay will discuss two reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are convinced
of spanking and then argue why it is not the right option.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
tend to believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
behave well when they are under the impression that they will
be punished
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. One reason behind their belief is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
actually demonstrate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
in front of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. Another reason is that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
were themselves controlled by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in the same way
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
are affirmed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tested
and tried way to control their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. To exemplify this, recent scientific research by the UK
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
demonstrated that 90% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
believe in spanking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
were punished
in their childhood when they made mischief. These beliefs have made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that beating their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is necessary for their
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
.

On the other hand
, despite the beliefs of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of inflicting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
pain on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, to control them, is completely delusional.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
has resulted in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, lack of communication,
for example
, is one of them.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
afraid of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are more reserved and do not share their simple issues with them, which leads the adolescents into more complicated problems.
Therefore
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that spanking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is optimal in itself is detrimental to the parent-child relationship.

In conclusion
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are convinced
that corporal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
are crucial, I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with them. They might have inherited this attitude from their ancestors, it creates much bigger problems for both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay You would like to work overseas, write a letter to an employment agency. Write: -- what job you would like to apply- what companies are you looking for- why do you want to work overseas v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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