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Violence in the media promotes violence in society. To extend to do you agree. v.2

Violence in the media promotes violence in society. To extend to do you agree. v. 2
Broadcasting violent news may increase various crimes in society. Although I am favour of this statement, an opposite side of this phenomenon is also considering. To begin with, the media plays a crucial role to convey every kind of information to society. First and foremost, people over trust media. To explain with, our society is blindfolded by the media. Individuals believe true, which is telecast on television Eve if these are to grow their TRP or to take public attention. Sometimes, media publish article on rubbish bases that community gets panicky, and tend to do strange activities, such as castes. As India is a diverse country, there are different religiously followed. If some news against their dioxin, it will become the reason of communal riots. Hence, mortals do not find out the actual facts before the protest. For example, recently, Indian government declared a law, which is for outsider Muslims only, who do not have complete documents to prove citizenship of India. However some news channels did not explain the full condition and term, so Muslim community came on the road, and start brutally protest. Furthermore, juvenile could be provoked through the news. To explicate, most crimes are committed with long term planning, and media not only tell the information, but also reveal their ideas that give the negative influence of youth. They become aggressive, so quickly and making the thought of offence, they often increase the number of physical violence Among school children, and in very young age become criminal. For instance, about two years ago, a news was published in a newspaper of a student from very reputable school, who murdered a little student of his same institute, to delay their exams. On the contrary, the press shows violence to aware nation. To substantiate, there are some exceptions channels, who believe that they should telecast reality throughout the society. Most of the time given information is significant for humans. They become up to date with the current scenario. Thus, people can save themselves in some critical situations, which is similar with news, they saw or listen in television or radio. To exemplify, the epidemic disease Corona virus, which is known by everyone due to the media. If reporters did not release the cause and symptoms, the rate of patients will not control. To conclude, it can be said that news is important for general knowledge, but the media should broadcast the news with full explanation and evidence, also if they telecast about any brutal crime, they should also tell strict punishment of related offence.
Broadcasting violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
may increase various crimes in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. Although I am
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of this statement, an opposite side of this phenomenon is
also
considering.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
plays a crucial role to convey every kind of information to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
First
and foremost,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
over trust
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
with, our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
is blindfolded
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
. Individuals believe true, which is telecast on television Eve if these are to grow their TRP or to take public attention.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
publish article on rubbish bases that community
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
panicky, and tend to do strange activities, such as castes. As India is a diverse country, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
religiously
followed. If
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
against their dioxin, it will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
the reason of communal riots.
Hence
, mortals do not find out the actual facts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the protest.
For example
, recently, Indian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
declared a law, which is for outsider Muslims
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
, who do not have complete documents to prove citizenship of India.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
channels did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the full condition and term,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
Muslim community came on the road, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
brutally
protest.

Furthermore
, juvenile could
be provoked
through the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
. To explicate, most crimes
are committed
with long term planning, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
the information,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
reveal their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
that give the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influence of youth. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
aggressive,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
quickly
and making the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
of
Possible spelling mistake. 'offence' is British English.
offence
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
increase the number of physical violence Among school children, and in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
young age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
criminal.
For instance
, about two years ago, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
was published
in a newspaper of a student from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
reputable school, who murdered a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
student of his same institute, to delay their exams.

On the contrary
, the press
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
violence to aware nation. To substantiate, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
exceptions channels, who believe that they should telecast reality throughout the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. Most of the time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
information is significant for humans. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
up to date with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
scenario.
Thus
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can save themselves in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
critical situations, which is similar with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
or listen in television or radio. To exemplify, the epidemic disease
The term "Coronavirus" (= disease) is spelled as one word.
Corona virus
, which
is known
by everyone due to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
. If reporters did not release the cause and symptoms, the rate of patients will not control.

To conclude
, it can
be said
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for general knowledge,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
should broadcast the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
with full explanation and evidence,
also
if they telecast about any brutal crime, they should
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
strict punishment of related
Possible spelling mistake. 'offence' is British English.
offence
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Violence in the media promotes violence in society. To extend to do you agree. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
426 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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