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Using the two examples from the professor’s lecture, explain what is meant by “the primacy effect" and how it can affect our opinions. v.1

Using the two examples from the professor’s lecture, explain what is meant by “the primacy effect" and how it can affect our opinions. v. 1
Over the years, obesity has become a matter of concern around the globe. Statistics suggest that over the years, obesity rates have followed an upward trajectory. As a result, there is an ongoing debate as to whether or not sport should be incorporated as a compulsory module on all degree courses. The proponents of this view believe that there is a very strong relationship between sport and obesity. They contest that physical activity and education play a vital role towards keeping a check on obesity rates. In fact, medical research suggests that as we engage in physical exertion through sport, our body is able to burn those extra calories that would have otherwise contributed to weight gain. Moreover, as we engage in sport, our brain releases 'happy' hormones that reduce stress levels and keep us healthy. On the contrary, a second school of thought argues that making sport mandatory is not a holistic solution for stemming obesity rates. Their explanation is based on the fact that there are many other factors that determine an individual's weight. One of them is genes. It is not uncommon to find people who engage in sport on a regular basis, but are still overweight. Furthermore, a person's lifestyle can also contribute towards gaining or losing weight. Consuming fast food, having an irregular sleep schedule, taking more stress than normal, and using particular drugs are some other factors that are directly linked with obesity. Therefore, it is imperative to devise an all-round strategy to counter this issue. In conclusion, I do agree that there are multiple dimensions to look at when it comes to determining an individual's ultimate weight. However, it is reasonable to believe that controlling weight is not an overnight process. It is a long journey that can only be covered by taking small steps, one-by-one. Therefore, regardless of the magnitude of its impact, it is safe to say that inculcating sport education in students would definitely contribute towards reducing obesity rates.
Over the years, obesity has become a matter of concern around the globe. Statistics suggest that over the years, obesity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
have followed an upward trajectory.
As a result
, there is an ongoing debate
Wordiness: Consider shortening this phrase.
as to whether or not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
should
be incorporated
as a compulsory module on all degree courses.

The proponents of this view believe that there is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
strong relationship between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
and obesity. They contest that physical activity and education play a vital role towards keeping a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
on obesity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
. In fact, medical research suggests that as we engage in physical exertion through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
, our body is able to burn those extra calories that would have
otherwise
contributed to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
gain.
Moreover
, as we engage in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
, our brain releases 'happy' hormones that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
levels and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
us healthy.

On the contrary
, a second school of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
argues that making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
mandatory is not a holistic solution for stemming obesity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
. Their explanation
is based
on the fact that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other factors that determine an individual's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
. One of them is genes. It is not uncommon to find
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who engage in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
on a regular basis,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
are
still
overweight.
Furthermore
, a person's lifestyle can
also
contribute towards gaining or losing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
. Consuming
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food, having an irregular sleep schedule, taking more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
than normal, and using particular drugs are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other factors that are
directly
linked with obesity.
Therefore
, it is imperative to devise an all-round strategy to counter this issue.

In conclusion
, I do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that there are multiple dimensions to look at when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to determining an individual's ultimate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
.
However
, it is reasonable to believe that controlling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
is not an overnight process. It is a long journey that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be covered
by taking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
steps, one-by-one.
Therefore
, regardless of the magnitude of its impact, it is safe to say that inculcating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
education in students would definitely contribute towards reducing obesity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Using the two examples from the professor’s lecture, explain what is meant by “the primacy effect" and how it can affect our opinions. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
329 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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