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Using the points and examples in the lecture, explain how artistic standards changed in the twentieth century. v.1

Using the points and examples in the lecture, explain how artistic standards changed in the twentieth century. v. 1
In recent years, there has been ongoing concern about the mistreatment of wild animals in zoos. Notwithstanding the claim that these facilities offer safe havens and promote the conservation of wildlife, zoos in fact are a form of animal cruelty and should be discontinued. There are a variety of reasons for people to believe that the existence of zoos is conducive to the protection of wild animals. First, it is apparent that zoos can bring otherwise exotic animals closer to urban inhabitants, which raises their awareness of wildlife conservation. In fact, establishing zoos is a simple and effective way to convey messages about the environment to the city dwellers, galvanising them to the cause of protecting these animals. Second, by organising fund raisers and attracting benefactors, zoos can channel a great deal of money into the safeguarding of wild animals. These funds can be used to invest in reproduction or relocation programmes for endangered species, helping them to escape extinction and hopefully thrive in number down the road. Nevertheless, there are a myriad of drawbacks to keeping wild animals in zoos. First, since the original purpose of these facilities is to entertain the curious citizens, they have no regard to ensuring the animals’ well-being. For example, from a human perspective, a cage means safety and food being delivered on a daily basis, but to a bald eagle that has spent most of its life in the air, it is only bitter imprisonment. Second, the change of habitat as well as being on display for myriad visitors, subject these animals to stress, which negatively affects their physical health. In fact, animals held in captivity are reported to have various health issues and have a lower desire to reproduce, which is actually detrimental to their conservation. In conclusion, notwithstanding the fact that zoos are an integral part of every major city, they should be deemed a form of animal cruelty and cease to operate. The resources currently being spent on zoos should be diverted to actual conservation programmes to improve their effects.
In recent years, there has been ongoing concern about the mistreatment of wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in zoos. Notwithstanding the claim that these facilities offer safe havens and promote the conservation of wildlife, zoos in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fact
are a form of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
cruelty and should
be discontinued
.

There are a variety of reasons for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to believe that the existence of zoos is conducive to the protection of wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.
First
, it is apparent that zoos can bring
otherwise
exotic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
closer to urban inhabitants, which raises their awareness of wildlife conservation. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fact
, establishing zoos is a simple and effective way to convey messages about the environment to the city dwellers,
Possible spelling mistake. 'galvanising' is British English.
galvanising
them to the cause of protecting these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
. Second, by
Possible spelling mistake. 'organising' is British English.
organising
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
fund raisers
and attracting benefactors, zoos can channel a great deal of money into the safeguarding of wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
. These funds can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to invest in reproduction or relocation
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
for endangered species, helping them to escape extinction and
hopefully
thrive in number down the road.

Nevertheless
, there are a
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "myriads"?
myriad
of drawbacks to keeping wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in zoos.
First
, since the original purpose of these facilities is to entertain the curious citizens, they have no regard to ensuring the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals’
well-being.
For example
, from a human perspective, a cage means safety and food
being delivered
on a daily basis,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to a bald eagle that has spent most of its life in the air, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
bitter imprisonment. Second, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
of habitat
as well
as being on display for myriad visitors, subject these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, which
negatively
affects their physical health. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fact
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
held in captivity
are reported
to have various health issues and have a lower desire to reproduce, which is actually detrimental to their conservation.

In conclusion
, notwithstanding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fact
that zoos are an integral part of every major city, they should
be deemed
a form of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
cruelty and cease to operate. The resources
currently
being spent
on zoos should
be diverted
to actual conservation
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their effects.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Using the points and examples in the lecture, explain how artistic standards changed in the twentieth century. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
340 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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