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Some people like to spend their leisure time outdoors, while others prefer to spend it indoors. Which do you prefer? v.1

Some people like to spend their leisure time outdoors, while others prefer to spend it indoors. Which do you prefer? v. 1
It is often believed by certain individuals that competitive sports aids in children's education, while others opine that these have detrimental effects. This essay will discuss both views and agrees that children should be motivated to participate in competitive sports as this has a positive impact on children overall development It is undoubtedly true that sports competitions help children learn social skills as well as gain confidence. This is to say, when younger generations participate in various sporting contests, they not only make new friends, but also acquire societal skills such as listening and speaking ability, working in a team, being a kid and looking after their friends. Furthermore, sports build their self-confidence which helps them to grab opportunities and challenges along with working hard to achieve all the goals. To elucidate, a recent study by The Times on March 2017 showed that more than 80 percent of young children who engage in competitive sports are more successful in achieving all the objective of their life However, others disagree and feel that competitive events have an overall negative impact on children. Youngsters develop an attitude of win-at-all-cost mentality that can lead to attitude problem. This to say, the and this causes mental stress. This is to say, when children participate in competitive events they practice immensely hard day and night to succeed and get the first position. This leads to mental and emotional breakdown. As a consequence, kids are not able to concentrate on their studies, which eventually affects their overall development as well as their future. To exemplify, a recent survey conducted by the National Science of Neurology found that more than 70 percent of children when participate in competitive events suffer from anxiety and some form of depression. To conclude, while the benefits of participating in competitive events help children to enhance their skill sets and to become more proficient in their studies, while some believe that this leads to increase in their stress level which hamper their education. However, i vehemently agree, that despite of few disadvantages, children should be encouraged and motivated by their parents to participate in competitive sports as this will help to develop their overall character and school performance, which will be beneficial for their future.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
believed by certain individuals that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
aids in children's education, while others opine that these have detrimental effects. This essay will discuss both views and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be motivated
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participate
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
as this has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overall
development

It is
undoubtedly
true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
competitions
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
learn social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
as well
as gain confidence. This is to say, when younger generations
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participate
in various sporting contests, they not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
new friends,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
acquire societal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as listening and speaking ability, working in a team, being a kid and looking after their friends.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
build their self-confidence which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
them to grab opportunities and challenges along with working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to achieve all the goals. To elucidate, a recent study by The Times on March 2017
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that more than 80 percent of young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who engage in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are more successful in achieving all the objective of their life

However
, others disagree and feel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
have an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overall
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Youngsters develop an attitude of win-at-all-cost mentality that can lead to attitude problem. This to say, the and this causes mental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. This is to say, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participate
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
they practice
immensely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
day and night to succeed and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the
first
position.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
This
leads to mental and emotional breakdown. As a consequence, kids are not able to concentrate on their studies, which
eventually
affects their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overall
development
as well
as their future. To exemplify, a recent survey conducted by the National Science of Neurology found that more than 70 percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participate
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
suffer from anxiety and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
form of depression.

To conclude
, while the benefits of participating in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to enhance their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
sets and to become more proficient in their studies, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that this leads to increase in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
level which hamper their education.
However
,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
vehemently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
, that
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
few disadvantages,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be encouraged
and motivated by their parents to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participate
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
as this will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to develop their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overall
character and school performance, which will be beneficial for their future.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people like to spend their leisure time outdoors, while others prefer to spend it indoors. Which do you prefer? v. 1

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
373 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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