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Using the main points and examples from the lecture, describe the three parts of a fax machine and then explain how the fax process works. v.1

Using the main points and examples from the lecture, describe the three parts of a fax machine and then explain how the fax process works. v. 1
It is argued by some that multimedia advertising is responsible of what products people choose when they are buying. In my opinion, I believe that modern society is suffering a huge marketing influence and it produce that consumers buy things that they do not really need. However, it does not work in all cases. First of all, using of social media is increasing more and more during the years. Websites and apps are a strategic place to post an advertising an expect impact and successful results. That means a boost on the product advertised sells. Social media users would start to believe that they really need that product, and finally, most of them, will make the purchase without thinking too much about it. On the other hand, each consumer is different, for that reason, not everybody falls in the advertising webs. There exist people vulnerable who believe that buying something, their life would change, being better and happier. Furthermore, the key is the mood that the person has at that specific moment. For example, if somebody feels depressive or did not have a nice day, a way to calming this feeling could be buying some product which is seen on a website, such as Facebook. It is an usual method to scape of the reality. In conclusion, marketing in social media works in most cases. People spend a long time using the internet and popular apps, for that reason, they are exposed to these kind of advertising every day. It could make them believe that this product is amazing and totally necessary for their lives.
It
is argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that multimedia advertising is
The usual collocations for "responsible" is "responsible for". Did you mean "responsible for" or "in charge of"?
responsible of
what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
choose when they are buying. In my opinion, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that modern society is suffering a huge marketing influence and it
Did you mean "produces"?
produce
that consumers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
things that they do not
really
need.
However
, it does not work in all cases.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, using of social media is increasing more and more during the years. Websites and apps are a strategic place to post an advertising an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
impact and successful results. That means a boost on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
advertised sells. Social media users would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that they
really
need that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
, and
finally
, most of them, will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
without thinking too much about it.

On the other hand
, each consumer is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
, for that reason, not everybody falls in the advertising webs. There exist
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
vulnerable who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that buying something, their life would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
, being better and happier.
Furthermore
, the key is the mood that the person has at that specific moment.
For example
, if somebody feels depressive or did not have a nice day, a way to calming this feeling could be buying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
on a website, such as Facebook. It is
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
usual method to
Possible spelling mistake found.
scape
of the reality.

In conclusion
, marketing in social media works
in most cases
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
spend a long time using the internet and popular apps, for that reason, they
are exposed
to
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of advertising every day. It could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
is amazing and
totally
necessary for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
The limits of my language are the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Using the main points and examples from the lecture, describe the three parts of a fax machine and then explain how the fax process works. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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