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The professor expresses her opinion of the plan for the renovation of Old Main. Report her opinion and explain the reasons that she gives for having that opinion. v.1

The professor expresses her opinion of the plan for the renovation of Old Main. Report her opinion and explain the reasons that she gives for having that opinion. v. 1
It is often thought that it would be better to accept living with hard life issues such as, few amount of money or an unsuitable job, while it is considered by many that keep working on these tough situations to improve it is ultimately superior my opinion, I believe that aiming to have a better life would have a long-term benefit. On one hand, people may have to accept an unsuitable job or money shortage due to the huge responsibilities or commitments they have in their life such as, paying an apartment rent or bills. Also, having families or children will increase the amount of commitment; as a result, people may be forced to accept jobs that they are not satisfied with, only to gain money that would tide them over until the end of the month. On the other hand, aiming to improve life situations and looking for something bigger instead of being satisfied with the current situations, trigger the passion inside people to keep working on their ability to occupy successful positions in the future. For example, when Bill Gates developed the windows, he could be easily satisfied with the little amount of money that he earned from his development. Instead, he kept improving himself and now he is one the richest person in the world. I believe, focusing on improving hard life situations, especially at a young age, will raise the living standard; consequently, people will not have to worry about any financial struggles when they are old. In conclusion, although many people may eventually expose to accept a particular situation in their life due to the overwhelming responsibilities. However, it is always better to improve them instead of dealing with them as permanent to enjoy with a life that has few amount of commitments later.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that it would be better to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accept
living with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
issues such as, few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
or an unsuitable job, while it
is considered
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
working on these tough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
it is
ultimately
superior my opinion, I believe that aiming to have a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
would have a long-term benefit.

On one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accept
an unsuitable job or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
shortage due to the huge responsibilities or commitments they have in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
such as, paying an apartment rent or bills.
Also
, having families or children will increase the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of commitment;
as a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may
be forced
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accept
jobs that they are not satisfied with,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
that would tide them over until the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the month.

On the other hand
, aiming to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
and looking for something bigger
instead
of
being satisfied
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
, trigger the passion inside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
working on their ability to occupy successful positions in the future.
For example
, when Bill Gates developed the windows, he could be
easily
satisfied with the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
that he earned from his development.
Instead
, he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
improving himself and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
he is
Did you mean "one of"?
one
the richest person in the world.

I believe, focusing on improving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
,
especially
at a young age, will raise the living standard;
consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
worry about any financial struggles when they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may
eventually
expose to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accept
a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
due to the overwhelming responsibilities.
However
, it is always better to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
them
instead
of dealing with them as permanent to enjoy with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
that has few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of commitments later.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay The professor expresses her opinion of the plan for the renovation of Old Main. Report her opinion and explain the reasons that she gives for having that opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
299 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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