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Using the main points and examples from the lecture, describe the habitable zone, and then explain how the definition has been expanded by modern scientists v.1

Using the main points and examples from the lecture, describe the habitable zone, and then explain how the definition has been expanded by modern scientists v. 1
Gender equality has always been the main concern of the world for ages. Now days most of the people are getting modern in their approach towards this evil of society and learning to respect both the gender. Although, few people are their living in many backward parts of the world who believe just the opposite, they consider one gender superior to another. Talking about the jobs relevant for one particular gender is made for the benefit of society. I am in favour of gender equality, but I also believe there are certain jobs which are not meant for women and will explain the same in later parts. Certain risk related jobs like working in a coal mine or a factory having hazardous processes and other such jobs are risking and dangerous for women to do and also the ones which involves physical strength. Although, there are many other jobs which earlier are not done by women, but now with the change in technology and thinking women are doing and excelling also. For instance, management jobs Moreover, along with that there are many jobs which are not supposed to be done by men and women are good at them. Men and women are complimentary to each other and no one can take others place. In conclusion, I would say that men and women are equal only thing is that they are complimentary to each other and should be given equal place in society so that they can prove their worth in this world for the betterment of society.
Gender equality has always been the main concern of the world for ages.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
days most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are getting modern in their approach towards this evil of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and learning to respect both the gender. Although, few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are their living in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
backward parts of the world who believe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
the opposite, they consider one gender superior to another. Talking about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
relevant for one particular gender
is made
for the benefit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. I am in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of gender equality,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
also
believe there are certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
which are not meant for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
and will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the same in later parts.

Certain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
like working in a coal mine or a factory having hazardous processes and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are risking and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
to do and
also
the ones which involves physical strength. Although, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
which earlier are not done by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in technology and thinking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are doing and excelling
also
.
For instance
, management
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
jobs


Moreover
, along with that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
which are not supposed to
be done
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at them.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are complimentary to each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
and no one can take others place.

In conclusion
, I would say that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are equal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
thing is that they are complimentary to each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
and should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
equal place in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can prove their worth in this world for the betterment of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Using the main points and examples from the lecture, describe the habitable zone, and then explain how the definition has been expanded by modern scientists v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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