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Using points and examples from the talk, explain the two kinds of tools described by the Professor. v.1

Using points and examples from the talk, explain the two kinds of tools described by the Professor. v. 1
It is true that many history-related places attract a great number of overseas travelers yet local residents seem to be uninterested in these sites. Some rational explanations and solutions for this affair will be outlined below. The local people’s low attendance at these places may have its roots in the shabby-looking infrastructures and poor collections of exhibits. The layout and relics on display of museums and historical sites are likely to remain unchanged over decades; therefore, they could be visually unattractive to the people who pass by them several times or may have already visited them. Another reason is the admission fee which is deemed to be overcharged. Evidently, such recreational activities as playing sports, partying, or camping are more preferable than visiting a museum to learn history after a long hard week at work; thus, many locals tend to think it is a waste of money on buying tickets to museums. Foreign tourists; however, are likely to be more eager to gain insights into the culture and history of the country they visit. Nevertheless, there are some attainable measures that could be taken to deal with the problem. Firstly, authorities should divert funds from other areas to refurbish museums and history-related sites. Renovating these buildings with more decorations and new exhibits or artistic creations would arouse the locals’ interest. It is also advisable that these sites recruit knowledgeable docents which would help create more professional ambiance. Secondly, along with more reasonably-priced entry fee, governments should also organize activities or events that integrate historical knowledge with musical performances to capture/grab/draw people’s attention. For instance, in 2018, Fine Arts Museum hold a musical show called “The Vietnamese Spirit”, including 40 artists performing with various traditional instruments and attracting a multitude of local residents. In conclusion, many museums and history-related places seem to appeal to more holidaymakers than local inhabitants. There are some reasons for this trend and solutions that governments should put forward.
It is true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
history-related places attract a great number of overseas travelers
yet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
residents seem to
be uninterested
in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
rational explanations and solutions for this affair will
be outlined
below.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s low attendance at these places may have its roots in the shabby-looking infrastructures and poor collections of exhibits. The layout and relics on display of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
are likely to remain unchanged over decades;
therefore
, they could be
visually
unattractive to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who pass by them several times or may have already visited them. Another reason is the admission fee which
is deemed
to
be overcharged
.
Evidently
, such recreational activities as playing sports, partying, or camping are more preferable than visiting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
to learn history after a long
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
week at work;
thus
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is a waste of money on buying tickets to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
. Foreign tourists;
however
, are likely to be more eager to gain insights into the culture and history of the country they visit.

Nevertheless
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
attainable measures that could
be taken
to deal with the problem.
Firstly
, authorities should divert funds from other areas to refurbish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and history-related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
. Renovating these buildings with more decorations and new exhibits or artistic creations would arouse the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals’
interest. It is
also
advisable that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
recruit knowledgeable docents which would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
create more professional ambiance.
Secondly
, along with more
reasonably
-priced entry fee,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should
also
organize activities or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
that integrate historical knowledge with musical performances to capture/grab/draw
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s attention.
For instance
, in 2018, Fine Arts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museum
hold a musical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
called “The Vietnamese Spirit”, including 40 artists performing with various traditional instruments and attracting a multitude of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
residents.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and history-related places seem to appeal to more holidaymakers than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
inhabitants. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons for this trend and solutions that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should put forward.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Language is wine upon the lips. – Virginia WoolfInspirational quotes for language learners
Virginia Woolf

IELTS essay Using points and examples from the talk, explain the two kinds of tools described by the Professor. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
322 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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