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Talk about your country's national flag or anthem. Where is it used and where it can be found today? v.1

Talk about your country's national flag or anthem. Where is it used and where it can be found today? v. 1
Some people believe that providing financial supports to the destitute countries has many adverse effects than beneficial ones. However, I opine that there are more benefits to it. In the following paragraphs, my opinion will be substantiated with examples. As every garden has weeds so as funding to the underdeveloped countries has also disadvantages. Firstly, it would lead those countries towards over-dependency on the rich countries and may stop them from making their own efforts. Therefore, such help will hinder the long term progress of deprived countries. For instance, Pakistan is completely relying on the financial assistance of developed countries such as America, China, and Russia, etc. Which has obstructed the development of the country as compelled it to be reliant on them. Secondly, the financial relief given by the developed countries may go into corrupt hands and not reach those for whom it was meant for. Then, such assistance may not serve the purpose. For example, the need for the public may be food and clothes, but the money is used for building a bridge or something like that which may not satisfy the requirement of people. There are manifold advantages in helping underprivileged countries. We all know that all countries belong to a small global village and all problems which arise due to poverty, such such as crime, diseases, and terrorism may affect directly or indirectly to the rich countries. So, affluent countries are assisting to the less developed countries to save them from negative repercussions by saving them from it they are actually saving themselves. To exemplify it, America is financially supporting all the developing countries across the globe to fight with Novel Corona Virus Disease by doing that actually America is helping itself. So, it can be said that it is the necessity of affluent countries to save poor countries in order to save them. To recapitulate it, Developed countries must help underdeveloped countries, however however, the rich country must do know what kind of help is required most.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that providing financial supports to the destitute
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
adverse effects than beneficial ones.
However
, I opine that there are more benefits to it. In the following paragraphs, my opinion will
be substantiated
with examples.

As every garden has weeds
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
as funding to the underdeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
has
also
disadvantages.
Firstly
, it would lead those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
towards over-dependency on the rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
them from making their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
efforts.
Therefore
, such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
will hinder the long term progress of deprived
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
For instance
, Pakistan is completely relying on the financial assistance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
such as America, China, and Russia, etc. Which has obstructed the development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
as compelled it to be reliant on them.
Secondly
, the financial relief
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
may go into corrupt hands and not reach those for whom it
was meant
for. Then, such assistance may not serve the purpose.
For example
, the need for the public may be food and clothes,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the money is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for building a bridge or something like that which may not satisfy the requirement of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

There are manifold advantages in helping underprivileged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. We all know that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
belong to a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
global village and all problems which arise due to poverty,
Possible typo: you repeated a word
such such
as crime, diseases, and terrorism may affect
directly
or
indirectly
to the rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, affluent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are assisting to the less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to save them from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
repercussions by saving them from
Consider adding a comma here.
it
they are actually saving themselves. To exemplify it, America is
financially
supporting all the developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
across the globe to fight with Novel
The term "Coronavirus" (= disease) is spelled as one word.
Corona Virus
Disease by doing that actually America is helping itself.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it can
be said
that it is the necessity of affluent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to save poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in order to save them.

To recapitulate it,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
underdeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
,
however
however
, the rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
do know what kind of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
is required
most.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
We should learn languages because language is the only thing worth knowing even poorly.
Kató Lomb

IELTS essay Talk about your country's national flag or anthem. Where is it used and where it can be found today? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
333 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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