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TPO 38 - Question 6Using points and examples from the lecture, explain two economic changes that occurred in ancient civilizations. v.1

TPO 38 - Question 6Using points and examples from the lecture, explain two economic changes that occurred in ancient civilizations. v. 1
Nowadays, with huge demand on the unclean power, the world start facing great challenges that are impacting the human lives. Two of the major problems that threaten them are the global warming and the increasing levels of the sea, which are rising at a high rate. This essay will discuss the problems and the solutions of the sea levels increasing issue and provide a conclusion. To begin with, there are several problems associated with global warming and increasing sea levels. Firstly, as we are depending on the fuel based transportation, the greenhouse gases are increasing dramatically. Accordingly, human health is directly touched and they start facing a major problem and many dies very young. Secondly, with increased sea levels many people will be displaced and they will have to leave their homes. Accordingly, this will put their lives and their business in a definite danger, and it will be very difficult to stand up again and lose everything. For example, in Japan, tsunami has displaced many people and impacted their lives. Furthermore, to tackle these problems the governments should implement multiple measurements. To start with, the government should implement a new law to eliminate the use of private cars and depend on public transportation. By doing this the level of greenhouse gases will be reduced and people will have better health Moreover, the government should start building block barriers to prevent the flooded water from reaching inhabited villages and cities that are threatened by increasing sea levels. As a result, people living in these areas will not be impacted and the risk of floods will be mitigated. For instance, some countries have built and installed rock blocks to prevent water from reaching the cities. To sum up, there is no doubt that global warming and increasing sea levels will but people live in a danger such as displacement. However; I profoundly believe any government can solve these problems by implementing the measurements mentioned in this essay and reduce the risk in a timely manner.
Nowadays, with huge demand on the unclean power, the world
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start
facing great challenges that are impacting the human
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. Two of the major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
that threaten them are the global warming and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
levels
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sea
, which are rising at a high rate. This essay will discuss the
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problems
and the solutions of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sea
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levels
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increasing
issue and provide a conclusion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are several
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problems
associated with global warming and
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increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sea
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
levels
.
Firstly
, as we
The verb 'depending' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
are depending
on the fuel based transportation, the greenhouse gases are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
dramatically
.
Accordingly
, human health is
directly
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
touched and
they
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start
facing a major
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problem
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
young.
Secondly
, with increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sea
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
levels
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
displaced and
they will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their homes.
Accordingly
, this will put their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and their business in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
definite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
, and it will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult to stand up again and lose everything.
For example
, in Japan, tsunami has displaced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
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people
and impacted their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

Furthermore
, to tackle these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
the
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governments
should implement multiple measurements. To
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
with, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should implement a new law to eliminate the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of private cars and depend on public transportation. By doing this the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
of greenhouse gases will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will have better health
Moreover
, the
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government
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
building block barriers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the flooded water from reaching inhabited villages and cities that
are threatened
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sea
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
levels
.
As a result
,
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people
living in these areas will not
be impacted
and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of floods will
be mitigated
.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries have built and installed rock blocks to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
water from reaching the cities.

To sum up, there is no doubt that global warming and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sea
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
levels
will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
such as displacement.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
; I
profoundly
believe any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can solve these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
by implementing the measurements mentioned in this essay and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
in a timely manner.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 38 - Question 6Using points and examples from the lecture, explain two economic changes that occurred in ancient civilizations. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
334 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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