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TPO 21-Q6Using points and examples from the talk, describe the two changes that occurred after machines began to be used for manufacturing goods. v.1

TPO 21-Q6Using points and examples from the talk, describe the two changes that occurred after machines began to be used for manufacturing goods. v. 1
There is no doubt that people busy with their profession in many cities. The majority of the people do not know their neighbours. In this essay, I will explain the causes of this situation and solution for this. Nowadays, most of the people came from villages for their studies or professions. Everyone busy with their profession and they do not have much time to spend with their family. Totally they concentrated on earning money and assets. Who are coming from villages for their profession most of the time spend with their work as well as family. Some people do not spend more time with their family also due to lack of time. For example, These days people cannot believe others not much easily and survive independently. Even they cannot think somebody will help you whenever you have a problem. They are trying to solve their issues without anybody help. In this case, people cannot require to know about their neighbours. To solve these kind of situations, people should believe others first because nowadays most of the people selfish. So people try to make friends in offices and also where they are living. If any emergency, friends will always help you in any kind of situation. If you know the neighbours, then they will help you any bad or good situations. At the conclusion, most of the people increasing do not know their neighbours, due to they cannot trust to other people, to solve this need to make friend where they are living and working.
There is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
busy with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profession
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cities. The majority of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
their
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
. In this essay, I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the causes of this situation and solution for this.

Nowadays, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
came from villages for their studies or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professions
. Everyone busy with their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
profession and
they do not have much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to spend with their family.
Totally
they concentrated on earning money and assets. Who are coming from villages for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profession
most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
spend with their work
as well
as family.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their family
also
due to lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
For example
, These days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot believe others not much
easily
and survive
independently
. Even they cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
somebody will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
you whenever you have a problem. They are trying to solve their issues without anybody
The pronoun 'anybody' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "helps", "helped".
help
.
In this case
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot require to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
about their
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
.

To solve
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of situations,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should believe others
first
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
nowadays most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
selfish.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friends in offices and
also
where they are living. If any emergency, friends will always
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
you in any kind of situation. If you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
the
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
, then they will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
you any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
situations.

At the conclusion, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
increasing do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
their
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
, due to they cannot trust to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, to solve this need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friend where they are living and working.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 21-Q6Using points and examples from the talk, describe the two changes that occurred after machines began to be used for manufacturing goods. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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