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Some young adults want to be independent ASAP while others prefer to live with family members as long as they can. v.1

Some young adults want to be independent ASAP while others prefer to live with family members as long as they can. v. 1
It is argued by some parents that day care centres give the best services for primary school children, whereas other working parents believed that other family members will be taken care of their child such as grandparents. In my opinion, I believe that grandparents play vital role in caring children. On one hand, it is thought by some people that childcare centres give more care to the pre-school age child. This is only possible when parents who are working or having enough money to provide the day care centres. In other words, if parents at home or do not work mainly mothers who are important to raise child in order to make them better individuals. This all leads to children bright future by parents who are giving their 100 % in making child as a good person. For example, in western country, most of the parents are depending on childcare centres as they are living in a nuclear family. On the other hand, grandparents have an important role in raising child where their parents do not have time for children because of working all day. To add this, it is happening as child belongs to a joint family, which can have great impacts on the child's future as well as education. As a result, children can develop various milestones as per their age and constantly under observation in grandparents, they also teach traditional values and behaving in such a manner which includes how to respect elderly. Finally, In my opinion, grandparents have an influence on children's career as well as future. In India many families belong to a joint family, which have so many other people apart from a grandparent who are taking care of family children. In conclusion, parents having a busy work day with these types of family, grandparents one who care the children in those old days and implementation some manners and behaviour pattern which is not having in single types of family and those parents depended to private care centres.
It
is argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
that day
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
give the best services for primary school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
believed that
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other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members will
be taken
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
. In my opinion, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
play vital role in caring children.

On one hand, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that childcare
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
give more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
to the
Possible spelling mistake found.
pre-school
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
. This is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
possible when
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parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are working or having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money to provide the day
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
at home or do not work
mainly
mothers
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who
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to raise
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child
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them better individuals. This all leads to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
bright future by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are giving their 100 % in making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
person.
For example
, in western country, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
The verb 'depending' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
are depending
on childcare
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
as they are living in a nuclear family.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
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grandparents
have an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in raising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
where their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
do not have time for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of working all day. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
this, it is happening as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
belongs to a joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, which can have great impacts on the child's future
as well
as education.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can develop various milestones as per their age and
constantly
under observation in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
, they
also
teach traditional values and behaving in such a manner which includes how to respect elderly.

Finally
, In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
have an influence on children's career
as well
as future. In India
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
belong to a joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, which have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
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other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
apart from a
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grandparent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
children.

In conclusion
,
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parents
having a busy work day with these types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
,
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grandparents
one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in those
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
days and implementation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
manners and
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
pattern which is not having in single types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
The verb 'to depend' requires the preposition '(up)on': "depended on".
depended
to private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some young adults want to be independent ASAP while others prefer to live with family members as long as they can. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
334 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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