Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Should schoolchildren be required to study a musical instrument for at least a year? Explain your answer. v.1

It is often said by teachers that all children should learn to play a musical instrument. In my opinion, I believe that knowledge of playing the musical instruments can be useful for any kid along with the other subjects that he or she is learning in Schools. First and foremost, music in general helps to bring a balance to a child's life, as children who learn to play an instrument have an outlet for creativity. To further explain, learning to play an instrument stimulates the brain cells, improving functions like memory and abstract reasoning skills, which are essential for both math and science. To illustrate my point, by studying all day in school children become exhausted and they need some mind relaxation. By playing a musical instrument after finishing their homework can be helpful for refreshing the mind and changing the mood. Furthermore, advanced research says that early knowledge of playing musical instruments can lead to an improvement of memory and children's learning ability by stimulating the different patterns of brain development. What is more, playing musical instruments teaches patience to the children as they spend a lot of time with it and learn how to control the instrument because they put a lot of effort into it, which can be weeks, months and even years. It can also help the kids to set short term and long term goals and can manage the time period required to achieve it. For instance, as experts suggest, "excess of anything is dangerous to a person's mental health so playing musical instruments can calm the pressure of a hectic study schedule for hardworking students, and it will help to improve the learning ability and patience in children. All things considered, playing musical instruments from early childhood has a direct impact on learning abilities that are equally important as the other subjects the child is learning at school. I firmly believe all children should be afforded the opportunity to become the next Vanessa Mae. To my absolute disgust, children living in South Asian countries have less opportunities compared to kids in European countries that may cause a deficit in certain abilities compared to their counterparts in western countries.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
said by teachers that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should learn to play a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musical
instrument.

In my opinion, I believe that knowledge of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
instruments
can be useful for any kid along with the other subjects that he or she is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
in Schools.

First
and foremost, music
in general
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to bring a balance to a child's life, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who learn to play an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
instrument
have an outlet for creativity. To
further
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
to play an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
instrument
stimulates the brain cells, improving functions like memory and abstract reasoning
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, which are essential for both math and science. To illustrate my point, by studying all day in school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
become
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
exhausted and
they need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
mind relaxation. By
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
instrument
after finishing their homework can be helpful for refreshing the mind and changing the mood.

Furthermore
, advanced research says that early knowledge of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
instruments
can lead to an improvement of memory and children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ability
by stimulating the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
patterns of brain development.

What is more
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
instruments
teaches patience to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as they spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time with it and learn how to control the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
instrument
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they put
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
effort into it, which can be weeks, months and even years. It can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the kids to set short term and long term goals and can manage the time period required to achieve it.

For instance
, as experts suggest,
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
excess of anything is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
to a person's mental health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
instruments
can calm the pressure of a hectic study schedule for hardworking students, and it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ability
and patience in children.

All things considered,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
instruments
from early childhood has a direct impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abilities
that are
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as the other subjects the child is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
at school. I
firmly
believe all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be afforded
the opportunity to become the
next
Vanessa Mae. To my absolute disgust,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
living in South Asian countries have
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun opportunities is countable.
less
opportunities compared to kids in European countries that may cause a deficit in certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abilities
compared to their counterparts in western countries.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay Some educators believe that every child should be taught how to play a musical instrument.

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
364 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts