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Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on your children. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.9

Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on your children. v. 9
Computers are the biggest invention of the humankind. It is a widely held belief that if computers gain consciousness, they can evolve on this planet and can overpower humans. It is irrefutable to say that the computer plays an important role in our lives, but I believe that this is not a trend without drawbacks. In this essay, we will discuss both sides of the coin before any conclusion can be drawn. Firstly, over dependence on the computers amongst school children has a negative impact on their mind development. They find it easy to use search engines such as Google and Yahoo to solve their problems instead of working on them on their own. For example, during my school days it was impossible to complete my assignments without the help of computers. It is easier to google things than solve problems with the help of books. Also, most of the competitive exams are now online because children are more comfortable working on computers instead of doing paperwork. This results in the lower IQs among humans as we are too much dependent on the gadgets for our problems. Secondly, in the modern era where the lives of the people are so fast, everything seems impossible without computers. In earlier days, it was extremely difficult to maintain important data, but now with the advancement of the technology, it seems like walking on the cake. For example, details of every citizen are now stored by the government under different heads and it can be used effectively and efficiently. Furthermore, the world gets connected to each other with the help of computers as we learn about their different cultures and traditions. For example, I have a lot of friends from every corner of the world as it is easier to stay connected nowadays. Aerospace engineering and inventions are totally dependent on computers and artificial intelligence. The landing on the moon and mars was not possible earlier without computers. To conclude, over dependence on anything has more negative impact on the child"s development. They should try to solve their problems without the help of the computers and instead of wasting time on surfing useless information, they should spend quality time in reading good books.
Computers are the biggest invention of the humankind. It is a
widely
held belief that if computers gain consciousness, they can evolve on this planet and can overpower humans. It is irrefutable to say that the computer plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I believe that this is not a trend without drawbacks. In this essay, we will discuss both sides of the coin
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
any conclusion can
be drawn
.

Firstly
, over dependence on the computers amongst school children has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on their mind development. They find it easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
search engines such as Google and Yahoo to solve their problems
instead
of working on them on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
For example
, during my school days it was impossible to complete my assignments without the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
of computers. It is easier to google things than solve problems with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
of books.
Also
, most of the competitive exams are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
online
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
children are more comfortable working on computers
instead
of doing paperwork. This results in the lower
Possible spelling mistake found.
IQs
Do not mix variants of the same word ('among' and 'amongst') within a single text.
among
humans as we are too much dependent on the gadgets for our problems.

Secondly
, in the modern era where the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
, everything seems impossible without computers. In earlier days, it was
extremely
difficult to maintain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
data,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
with the advancement of the technology, it seems like walking on the cake.
For example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
of every citizen are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
stored by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
under
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
heads and it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
effectively
and
efficiently
.
Furthermore
, the world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
connected to each other with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
of computers as we learn about their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultures and traditions.
For example
, I have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
friends from every corner of the world as it is easier to stay connected nowadays. Aerospace engineering and inventions are
totally
dependent on computers and artificial intelligence. The landing on the moon and
The planet and the god are written with uppercase. 'mars' refers to the verb 'mar' meaning to spoil, or the plural of the noun 'mar' meaning blemishes.
mars
was not possible earlier without computers.

To conclude
, over dependence on anything has more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on the
The double quotation mark seems incorrect here.
child"s
development. They should try to solve their problems without the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
of the computers and
instead
of wasting time on surfing useless information, they should spend quality time in reading
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
books.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on your children. v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
369 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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