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Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on your children. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.3

Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on your children. v. 3
There is a general talk that kids who are involved more in computers on a daily basis have more bad results. I agree with this statement as it creates a negative impact on the children. Let’s see how it generates problems. Firstly, we all know computers and technology play a vital role in today’s world. But when it comes to kids, the usage should be very limited. Children are different from adults as it mainly strains their eyes easily. The bearing capacity is less for the children. Also, by working with the systems daily without moving here and there, the children could get neck pains quickly. As they are very little, it affects them easily. For example, one of my friend’s daughters was affected by eye pain by playing computer games on a daily basis and she started wearing spectacles at a very early age. Added with this, there are also other problems which cause children on using the systems regularly. Regular usage of computers or browsing affects children’s studies badly. They spend a lot of time on computers failing to focus and concentrate on academics. Because of this, they fail to prepare well for the exams and it results in the failure of exams. The ranking and grades get reduced automatically. All these happen because of more time involved in computers. For example, my cousin’s son became very poor in academics gradually because of more time spent on the computers and regular usage. This resulted in a poor performance. To conclude, there are a lot of bad impacts which occur with the regular usage of computers by the kids. I would say the system used should be limited and it is the responsibility of each and every parent to keep an eye on their children by reducing the usage of computers and make them better and effective.
There is a general talk that kids who
are involved
more in computers on a daily basis have more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
results. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement as it creates a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
how it generates problems.

Firstly
, we all know computers and technology play a vital role in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to kids, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usage
should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
limited.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from adults as it
mainly
strains their eyes
easily
. The bearing capacity is less for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Also
, by working with the systems daily without moving here and there, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
neck pains
quickly
. As they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
, it affects them
easily
.
For example
, one of my friend’s daughters was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by eye pain by playing computer games on a daily
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
basis and
she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
wearing spectacles at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
early age.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Added
with this, there are
also
other problems which cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
on using the systems
regularly
. Regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usage
of computers or browsing affects
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
studies
badly
. They spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time on computers failing to focus and concentrate on academics.
Because of this
, they fail to prepare well for the exams and it results in the failure of exams. The ranking and grades
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
automatically
. All these happen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of more time involved in computers.
For example
, my cousin’s son became
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
poor in academics
gradually
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of more time spent on the computers and regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usage
. This resulted in a poor performance.

To conclude
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
impacts which occur with the regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usage
of computers by the kids. I would say the system
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
should
be limited
and it is the responsibility of each and every parent to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
an eye on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
by reducing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usage
of computers and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them better and effective.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
I am always sorry when any language is lost, because languages are the pedigrees of nations.
Samuel Johnson

IELTS essay Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on your children. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
308 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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