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Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on your children. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.2

Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on your children. v. 2
The applications of computers are increasing rapidly, and so is its usage by children. However, some people think, every day use of computers may actually lead to negative effects rather than positive. I consider, daily usage may negatively affect children under the age of 11, but children above age 10 can benefit from daily usage under supervision. This essay will discuss the effects of its usage, among different age groups among children and its consequences. Exposure to computers for kids under 11 on daily basis may lead to addiction, due to computer games and online media. Moreover, they may insist parents to allow them to use it, while eating or during their free time. For example, a study by Cornwell University, department of psychology on 300 subjects, indicated addiction for 80% of them, and strongly indicated to avoid increased exposure to computers. Due to lack of awareness, some parents encourage their kids to be engaged with modern day electronics, but this will exacerbate the situation. In contrary, children of 11 years or older, may actually benefit from regular exposure to computers in the form of online tutorials and computer programming. Obviously, this needs to happen under supervision of the parents. Online tutorials are gaining popularity as a supplement to the classroom education, this is particularly helpful with slow learning kids, as they can learn at their own pace and convenience. Training the young minds with programming languages will help them to shape their careers in relevant fields. To conclude, the daily usage of modern electronics such as computers can effect negatively for younger children compare to 11 years old older ones. While there are clear advantages to relatively elder kids due to resourceful applications, parent monitoring is a must for leveraging its full potential.
The applications of computers are increasing
rapidly
, and
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so
is its
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usage
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, every day
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of computers may actually lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects
rather
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
. I consider,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usage
may
negatively
affect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
under the age of 11,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
above age 10 can benefit from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usage
under supervision. This essay will discuss the effects of its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usage
, among
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
age groups among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and its consequences.

Exposure to computers for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
under 11 on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
daily
basis may lead to addiction, due to computer games and online media.
Moreover
, they may insist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it, while eating or during their free time.
For example
, a study by
Possible spelling mistake found.
Cornwell
University, department of psychology on 300 subjects, indicated addiction for 80% of them, and
strongly
indicated to avoid increased exposure to computers. Due to lack of awareness,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
encourage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to
be engaged
with modern day electronics,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this will exacerbate the situation.

In contrary,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
of 11 years or older, may actually benefit from regular exposure to computers in the form of online tutorials and computer programming.
Obviously
, this needs to happen under supervision of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. Online tutorials are gaining popularity as a supplement to the classroom education, this is
particularly
helpful with slow learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
, as they can learn at their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
pace and convenience. Training the young minds with programming languages will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to shape their careers in relevant fields.

To conclude
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usage
of modern electronics such as computers can effect
negatively
for younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
compare to 11 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
older ones. While there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
advantages to
relatively
elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
due to resourceful applications,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
monitoring is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
for leveraging its full potential.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on your children. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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