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Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on your children. Do you agree or disagree? v.8

Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on your children. v. 8
The debate weather daily usage of computer have more disadvantages than advantages for children has become a matter of discussion for many. I completely disagree with this statement, in my opinion, in order to have a successful career it is very important they are encouraged to use computer from a young age. In this essay, I shall outline the main reasons and analyse the benefits of this change. There are many positive effects of using computer on a daily basis. Firstly, at an early life, it is much easier to learn new concepts, thus everyday usage of computer promotes paramount skills that could be helpful in their future career. Secondly, in our modern world, technology is updating at a very fast pace, thus, it is crucial for kids to keep up with this change in order to stay up to date. Thirdly, many studies have shown that young people who were exposed to computer technology at an early stage of their life, are less likely to struggle with learning new technical concepts such as programming languages, Operating systems etc. Owning to this, today more schools and universities are including digital online courses in their curriculum. Furthermore, as we live in the era of internet, today a vast database of knowledge on every topic and subject can be found on the internet, parents could encourage children to efficiently make use of the time spent on computer by studying. Although, such everyday usage does put strain on eyes and it is the primary cause of various vision related alignments. However, with the advancements that are being made in our display technology, such issues will soon be a thing of the past. In conclusion, from the given arguments and examples, I firmly believe that everyday usage of computer has clear advantages and these are being recognised worldwide. In addition, as our world is rapidly shifting towards digitization, in future we could expect to see a majority of courses in schools and colleges being delivered online on computer or mobile devices.
The debate weather daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usage
of computer have more disadvantages than advantages for children has become a matter of discussion for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
. I completely disagree with this statement, in my opinion, in order to have a successful career it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
they
are encouraged
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
computer from a young age. In this essay, I shall outline the main reasons and
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
the benefits of this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects of using computer on a daily basis.
Firstly
, at an early life, it is much easier to learn new concepts,
thus
everyday
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usage
of computer promotes paramount
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
that could be helpful in their future career.
Secondly
, in our modern world, technology is updating at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
pace,
thus
, it is crucial for kids to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
up with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in order to stay up to date.
Thirdly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
studies have shown that young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
were exposed
to computer technology at an early stage of their life, are less likely to struggle with learning new technical concepts such as programming languages, Operating systems etc. Owning to this,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
more schools and universities are including digital online courses in their curriculum.

Furthermore
, as we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the era of internet,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
a vast database of knowledge on every topic and subject can
be found
on the internet, parents could encourage children to
efficiently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the time spent on computer by studying. Although, such everyday
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usage
does put strain on eyes and it is the primary cause of various vision related alignments.
However
, with the advancements that are
being made
in our display technology, such issues will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
be a thing of the past.

In conclusion
, from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
arguments and examples, I
firmly
believe that everyday
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usage
of computer has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
advantages and these are being
Possible spelling mistake. 'recognised' is British English.
recognised
worldwide.
In addition
, as our world is
rapidly
shifting towards digitization, in future we could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
a majority of courses in schools and colleges
being delivered
online on computer or mobile devices.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on your children. v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
337 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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