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Parents should not pressure their children to choose particular profession. Young people should have the freedom to choose path they like. To what extend do you agree or disagree? v.1

Parents should not pressure their children to choose particular profession. Young people should have the freedom to choose path they like. v. 1
Choosing the right career is one of the most difficult decision we as a teenager had to face. By the time we all get adult, we have to choose a path we want to take in order to be successful in future. But choosing the right profession is always difficult, as one doesn't always know the correct way they want to lead their lives. And that's where parents come into play. As we all know, parents are always worried our future. They are much older than us and they always want what they think are best for us since they are experienced in life more than their kids, that implies parents may give the right direction to their child. And I think in many cases, our guardian may be correct about the best path we can take in life. But, Parents should also know, that is not the case all the time. As there is a proverb one can't judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree. Similarly guardians shouldn't force something on their sons and daughters. They should also listen to their children and then guide their way. And same, thing goes to the kids also, they should listen to their families also while making any firm decision. So my opinion is career is an important decision in anyone's life. And to select the right profession one must have a discussion with his family and parents and then make a sound decision about their future.
Choosing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
career is one of the most difficult decision we as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
had to face. By the time we all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
adult, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
choose a path we want to take in order to be successful
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
choosing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
profession is always difficult, as one doesn't always know the correct way they want to lead their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. And that's where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
into play.

As we all know,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are always worried our future. They are much older than
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
us and
they always want what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
are best for us since they
are experienced
in life more than their kids, that implies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
may give the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
direction to their child. And I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases, our guardian may be correct about the best path we can take in life.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
should
also
know,
that is
not the case all the time.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
there is a proverb one can't judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Similarly
guardians shouldn't force something on their sons and daughters. They should
also
listen to their children and then guide their way. And same, thing goes to the kids
also
, they should listen to their families
also
while making any firm decision.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
my opinion is career is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
decision in anyone's life. And to select the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
profession one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have a discussion with his family and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a sound decision about their future.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Parents should not pressure their children to choose particular profession. Young people should have the freedom to choose path they like. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
248 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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