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Modern technology is now very common in the most workplaces. How do you think this has changed the way we work? Do you think there are disadvantages to relying too much on technology? v.1

Modern technology is now very common in the most workplaces. How do you think this has changed the way we work? Do you think there are disadvantages to relying too much on technology? v. 1
In this day and age, technology plays a pivotal role in most workplaces. In the past, although a certain number of technologies were present in the office, most of the work was done manually. Yet today, seemingly due to the advent of modern technology such as the Internet, the mobile phone and the like, never before has the productivity rate reached such peaks. This is often cited as a reason for fostering the use of modern technology in working places more and more. Modern technology has taken over the offices, industries and factories just to name a few. From the automation of manufacturing goods to drone waiters in restaurants, the ubiquity of modern technology has dramatically increased the productivity in all major sectors whilst lowering the costs. This, in turn, has completely transformed people’s relationship to work. Considering the rapid pace of automation in workplaces, it seems safe to assume that in the midterm most repetitive tasks will end up being automatised, to some extent at least. Such a trend has been shown in practically all sectors, including the military. Not surprisingly, drones are already being used in warfare, automatising crucial life-and-death decisions that were once the job of human soldiers. That modern technology has radically changed the way we work is evident. Hence, albeit I acknowledge all the advances brought about by the use of technology in workplaces, it is my belief that to delegate certain tasks to machines might be ethically dubious at best and should be thought through very carefully. After all, relying on algorithms to decide some critical situations may have unpredictable outcomes.
In this day and age,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
plays a pivotal role in most workplaces. In the past, although a certain number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
were present in the office, most of the work
was done
manually
.
Yet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
,
seemingly
due to the advent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
such as the Internet, the mobile phone and the like, never
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
has the productivity rate reached such peaks. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
cited as a reason for fostering the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
in working places more and more.

Modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has taken over the offices, industries and factories
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to name a few. From the automation of manufacturing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
to drone waiters in restaurants, the ubiquity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has
dramatically
increased the productivity in all major sectors whilst lowering the costs. This, in turn, has completely transformed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s relationship to work.

Considering the rapid pace of automation in workplaces, it seems safe to assume that in the midterm most repetitive tasks will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up being
Possible spelling mistake. 'automatised' is British English.
automatised
, to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent at least. Such a trend has
been shown
in
practically
all sectors, including the military. Not
surprisingly
, drones are already being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in warfare,
Possible spelling mistake. 'automatising' is British English.
automatising
crucial life-and-death decisions that were once the job of human soldiers.

That
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has
radically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the way we work is evident.
Hence
, albeit I acknowledge all the advances brought about by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
in workplaces, it is my belief that to delegate certain tasks to machines might be
ethically
dubious at best and should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
carefully
.
After all
, relying on algorithms to decide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
critical situations may have unpredictable outcomes.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Modern technology is now very common in the most workplaces. How do you think this has changed the way we work? Do you think there are disadvantages to relying too much on technology? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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