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Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on children. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.1

Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on children. v. 1
In today's modern world, computers are needed everyday. Around the world, children use computers from the time they are little. It's true that children should have fun when they are young; however, in my opinion, a child who knows how to use the computer will be more successful in the future. My reasons for this view are personal, academic and professional. From a personal point of view, computers can help young people to learn more about the world. For example, some children use the Internet to find information on different subjects. In this way, they learn to find answers by themselves. By using the computer when they are little, children feel more comfortable around computers. They also know how to use the computer for different reasons. From an academic viewpoint, children have to learn how to use this new invention. For instance, when I was in college, many students used to bring their laptops to class. They used to take notes, do research and share information. They wrote their essays, made presentations and created useful lists. Children who can use the computer when they are young have more confidence than other children. From a professional perspective, the computer is found in every kind of office. Today, employers will still hire people who cannot use computers and give them computer training. But tomorrow, companies will expect people to have these skills already. As a result, by encouraging children to use the computer for a short time every day, parents are preparing their children for future jobs. In conclusion, it is clear that computers are now a part of our regular life. Children who can use computers easily and confidently will do better in the future.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's modern world, computers
are needed
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
. Around the world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
computers from the time they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
. It's true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should have fun when they are young;
however
, in my opinion, a child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
knows how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the computer will be more successful in the future. My reasons for this view are personal, academic and professional.

From a personal point of view, computers can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to learn more about the world.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the Internet to find information on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
subjects. In this way, they learn to find answers by themselves. By using the computer when they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
feel more comfortable around computers. They
also
know how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the computer for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
reasons.

From an academic viewpoint,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
learn how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this new invention.
For instance
, when I was in college,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to bring their laptops to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to take notes, do research and share information. They wrote their essays, made presentations and created useful lists.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the computer when they are young have more confidence than other children.

From a professional perspective, the computer
is found
in every kind of office.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, employers will
still
hire
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
computers and give them computer training.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
tomorrow,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to have these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
already.
As a result
, by encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the computer for a short time every day, parents are preparing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for future jobs.

In conclusion
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that computers are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
a part of our regular life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
computers
easily
and
confidently
will do better in the future.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on children. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
284 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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