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unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes? to what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes? v. 1
It has been suggested that high schools should introduce unpaid community services a compulsory part of their programme. Recently, most of the colleges have been encouraging students by providing opportunities to gain work experience, however, these are not mandatory. I entirely agree with the statement and by sending students to work in the community is the best idea to develop numerous valuable skills. To begin with, life skills are the most important skills, if students do voluntary tasks, they would learn how to communicate with others and to be in teams. What's more, time management and organisational skills can also be developed. Nowadays, unfortunately, teenagers do not have many after-school activities. This is because the younger generation is not interested in after-school sports clubs; hence, most of the students spend their precious time by sitting in front of TV, browsing internet or playing video games. Therefore, by providing them charity activities with community organisations, they will be motivated to do creative tasks. In addition, skills gained through welfare work are not only being an asset on a CV but will also increase their employability. Furthermore, respect to work and money will be provided by students because the experience of social work will always realise the efforts, needed to earn them. Apart from this, healthy life balance and exercises are strongly promoted by the NHS so that any kind of services can prevent people to sit idly. Last but not least, it could also reduce the crime rate in high school age groups. If the students have activities to perform, they would have no free time to create dangerous ideas. To conclude, it is a perfect idea to initiate these programmes in high school by seeing the advantages of volunteering for both pupils and societies
It has
been suggested
that high schools should introduce unpaid community services a compulsory part of their
Possible spelling mistake. 'programme' is British English.
programme
. Recently, most of the colleges have been encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
by providing opportunities to gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
experience,
however
, these are not mandatory. I
entirely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement and by sending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in the community is the best
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to develop numerous valuable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
are the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
do voluntary tasks, they would learn how to communicate with others and to be in teams. What's more, time management and
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisational' is British English.
organisational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
can
also
be developed
. Nowadays, unfortunately,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
after-school activities. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the younger generation is not interested in after-school sports clubs;
hence
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
spend their precious time by sitting in front of TV, browsing internet or playing video games.
Therefore
, by providing them charity activities with community
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
, they will
be motivated
to do creative tasks.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
gained through welfare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
being an asset on a CV
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
will
also
increase their employability.

Furthermore
, respect to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and money will
be provided
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the experience of social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
will always
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
the efforts, needed to earn them. Apart from this, healthy life balance and exercises are
strongly
promoted by the NHS
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that any kind of services can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to sit
idly
. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, it could
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the crime rate in high school age groups. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have activities to perform, they would have no free time to create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
.

To conclude
, it is a perfect
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to initiate these
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
in high school by seeing the advantages of volunteering for both pupils and societies
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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