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University students nowadays have too much freedom and do not study enough. To what extent do you agree and disagree? Explain your opinion, using specific reasons and examples. v.2

University students nowadays have too much freedom and do not study enough. Explain your opinion, using specific reasons and examples. v. 2
Some people insists that students in universities are not spending enough time on their studies and having too much leisure time. It seems that they are wasting their time, but they are truly struggling to get a job or to success in the cut-throat world. This essay totally disagree with the opinion that university students are not studying and will discuss why this situation is happening. It is undeniable that people in universities are putting much time to do something else, such as part-time jobs, unpaid internships and club activities, instead of putting their all energy on the studies. One of the major reasons is because companies require lots of experience as well as GPA. In the past the only thing that requirements to get a job was good marks in classes. However, since society have been competitive, applicants are required to do extra activities to fill their resumes to get a decent job. Furthermore, universities also encourage students to do non-academic activities and recreational activities to make them mentally and physically healthy, which end up leading them to get a satisfying job, and they do not allow students to graduate if they do not have any extra experiences. Nowadays, more companies want to employ the one who is mentally stable and can successfully communicate with colleagues, which means they no longer only require high scores(A and A+). Hence, students have had to do volunteering and work out to make their portfolio. For instance, Seoul National University have let students submit their portfolio to graduate. To sum up, even if it seems that they are not studying enough compared to past students, it is because current students are required to do extra activities by companies and schools. They are actually doing both studying and non-academic things.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
insists
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
are not spending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on their studies and having too much leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. It seems that they are wasting their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they are
truly
struggling to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
or to success in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
-throat world. This essay
totally
disagree with the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are not studying and will discuss why this situation is happening.

It is undeniable that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
are putting much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to do something else, such as part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, unpaid internships and club
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
,
instead
of putting their all energy on the studies. One of the major reasons is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
require lots of experience
as well
as GPA. In the past the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
thing that requirements to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
marks in classes.
However
, since society have been competitive, applicants
are required
to do extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
to fill their resumes to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a decent job.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
also
encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to do non-academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and recreational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them mentally and
physically
healthy, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up leading them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a satisfying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, and they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to graduate if they do not have any extra experiences. Nowadays, more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
want to employ the one who is mentally stable and can
successfully
communicate with colleagues, which means they no longer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
require high scores(A and A+).
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have had to
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "go volunteering".
do volunteering
and work out to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their portfolio.
For instance
, Seoul National
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
submit their portfolio to graduate.

To sum up, even if it seems that they are not studying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
compared to past
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are required
to do extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and schools. They are actually doing both studying and non-academic things.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay University students nowadays have too much freedom and do not study enough. Explain your opinion, using specific reasons and examples. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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